


First Time (Wanting)

by badwolfgoddess



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Bars, Drinking, Explosions, F/M, Frottage, Jo/Sam if you squint, M/M, Minor Ellen Harvelle/Bobby Singer, Pool, Sex, Violence, alcohol lowering inhibitions, post-apocalypse au, praying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-31
Updated: 2016-03-31
Packaged: 2018-05-30 08:42:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 27,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6416719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badwolfgoddess/pseuds/badwolfgoddess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Apocalypse comes and goes with no major deaths. Now Team Free Will, Bobby, Ellen and Jo have a future to look forward to. The uncertainty looms over Dean and Castiel who suddenly realize for the first time that they're allowed to want a future. Could that future include each other?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> This story is part of the Destiel Reverse Bang Challenge 2016. I jumped in last-minute as a pinch hitter and gave my blood, sweat and tears for this story to produce it in three weeks. It is based on the youtube video [Wanted](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lwe6QYdEEPo&feature=youtu.be) by [kumofu](kumofu.livejournal.com) The title is taken from the song used in the video "Please Let Me Get What I want" by The Smiths. 
> 
> Thank you from the bottom of my heart to my betas [enamoredhatred](http://archiveofourown.org/users/enamoredhatred/pseuds/enamoredhatred%22) and Angatita without whom this work would not have been nearly as good. 
> 
> Also, thank you to [A_Diamond](http://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Diamond/pseuds/A_Diamond) for bringing my attention to this challenge in the first place and keeping me going when I was struggling. Thanks as well to all my Reddit peeps who checked in, gave me encouragement and just helped me out.

The end had come and gone.

“Really, you’d think it would have been more eventful,” Dean complained as he slammed his sixth whiskey. Sam nodded along, too relieved to be alive and in his own skin to protest the amount of alcohol Dean was drinking in a rapid fashion. “At least...a little fireworks would have been nice.”

Sam made unintelligible noises of agreement, not yet caught up but hardly far behind his brother. But really, Dean wanted an eventful climax to an already fucked-up apocalypse? Asking much, yes?

“Anyway, it’s over and I guess I should be grateful,” Dean complains, pouring himself another shot. “Just got no fucking clue what to do from here, yanno?”

“Keep on doin’ what Dad wanted us I guess,” Sam says, only slightly slurring his words. “Hunting people, sh-shaving things…”

“Yeah like your face!” Dean cackles and swallows his drink whole. Their sibling bond had remained unshaken in the face of certain death. “Yer gettin’ ugly whiskers, Sammy.”

“Shut up, you’re getting ugly,” Sam said, mildly affronted.

“You’re both ugly,” Bobby says, striding in with his legs intact once again and joining them at the table with his own bottle of whiskey. “Mind if I join you two idjits?”

“Have a sh-sheet,” Sam waved to the table.

Not far away, a certain angel was attempting inebriation with Ellen and Jo Harvelle.

“I am not certain about this,” Castiel looked nervously at the line of shots across the table.  

“Oh come on,” Ellen grinned. “It’s a celebration, we’re getting shit-faced and thanking the universe we’re all still alive!”

“Yeah, take a shot Cas,” Jo leaned across her mom, urging Castiel to take one of the many glasses. Castiel picked it up and examined it, sniffing the alcohol a little and making a face. “No, you have to drink it, just pick it up and drink it all down in one gulp.” The dark-haired angel seemed to take a moment to contemplate so Ellen picked up a glass in front of her and slammed it back in one go.

“Like that, Feathers,” she said as she sat it back down on the table. Castiel tilted his glass back and swallowed, ignoring the unfamiliar burning sensation in his vessel’s throat.

“It tastes...unusual. Not like hamburgers,” he said, setting the glass gingerly back on the sticky bar table. From across the room he could hear the laughter of Dean and Sam as  they found their way into spectacular drunkenness.

“No shit, Sherlock,” Jo teased. Ellen frowned.

“Jo...” she said in warning.

“Mo-om,” her daughter complained. “Lighten up, we just saved the world and no one died.” Ellen ignored her and drank another shot. Castiel followed suit, miming the way she tilted her head back and drank it swiftly, then slammed it down on the table as if in a kind of triumph.

Five or six glasses in and Castiel was feeling a light, sort of pleasant warmth in his belly. “I see now why you humans like to consume alcohol. I feel much less...concerned than I was.”

“Well you’re pretty far down, you’ll probably either feel very good very soon or maybe angels can drink a lot more,” Jo said, babbling a little. “I dunno, I haven’t had as much as you and I’m already feeling pretty damned good.”

“Take it easy, champ,” Ellen said. “Tomorrow we go on the hunt for a new bar. Start over, rebuild the Roadhouse.”

“No way, tomorrow I’m going to take a long ass nap, then I’m going to find a case far, far away from here,” she said, leaning over to grab another shot.

“You’re not hunting on your own,” Ellen argued. “You’re inexperienced and you’ll get yourself killed right after the Winchesters managed to save your ass.”

“Mom, I’m a hunter, I can’t stay here and work the bar forever…” The two of them began to argue as Castiel plowed through a few more shots.

“I have no idea what I will do tomorrow,” he announced suddenly. The two Harvelle’s stopped arguing and looked at him in unison.

“Surely Sam and Dean will let you go with them,” Ellen said as if it were absurd to think otherwise.

“What do you want to do, Cas?” Jo asked, pushing long blonde hair out of her face. “It’s up to you.”

“I can’t return home,” he said forlornly. “I am a traitor to my kind. Raphael doesn’t want the apocalypse to start up again but he is not pleased with me either. He is enjoying being in charge without Michael’s looming presence but I cannot ask him to pardon me at this point.”

“Fuck Raphael,” Jo said. Ellen looked at her daughter again but refrained from chiding her for her language. “Seriously Cas, you do whatever you want. Or whoever you want,” she giggled. “Is there someone you want to do? I mean something,” she amended with a snort.

“Okay, you’ve had enough,” Ellen said as she reached for another shot. “Leave the poor guy alone. But yes, it is up to you,” she added. “What does Castiel want to do?”

“I am not certain,” his eyes flicked over to see Dean standing in front of a pool table, holding a long stick as he prepared to shoot a game with Bobby. “The Winchesters have been like family to me, I would like...to stay with them…” Jo’s eyes followed his and she hid a grin.

“The Winchesters or do you mean Dean?” She teased.

“Dean and I do share a more profound bond,” he said uncertainly, feeling that there was a joke going on he didn’t understand. “I wasn’t going to mention it out of respect to Sam.”

“Nah, I won’t tell,” Jo mimed zipping her lips and Castiel just stared at her, unsure what that meant. “So this profound bond you share, does it mean you uh...want to be with Dean then?”

“With him? I would like to stay by his side if I can and protect him and maybe learn more about humanity from him,” Castiel confessed, not entirely understanding the question.

“Angel’s got it bad,” Jo giggled. Ellen tried to frown again but it came out a cross between a smirk and a frown.

“Shh, he probably doesn’t even understand,” Ellen chided but she held a hand out, putting it over Castiel’s and patting his. Her hand was warm and dry. “Maybe you should talk to Dean, tell him how you feel, ask him how he would feel about you sticking around a while. He might surprise you.”

“I shall do that then,” Castiel said, moving to stand.

“Maybe do it tomorrow,” Ellen suggested, glancing over to watch Dean drinking from his beer bottle and swaying on his feet to the music of the jukebox. “He’ll be more receptive tomorrow, I think.”

Castiel wasn’t entirely sure what this whole thing was. He was just confused about his future, hopeful that it might include some familiar faces.

\---

“Damn,” Bobby groused as Dean once again, despite being well on his way to smashingly drunk, outplayed him for the third time.

“Face it old man,” Dean bragged. “I’m better n’ you.” Bobby knew if he had all his wits about him, that might not be the case but he set his pool cue down anyway.

“I’m out. Gonna get myself one more beer and then I’m done. You boys need a place to crash for the night?”

“No we’ll be alright. There's a motel right across the street and I’m sure we will be able to procure lodging,” Sam said, barely managing to keep himself upright as he watched them play. Strangely, the more drunk Sam was, the more articulate he became. Bobby nodded and sauntered off to get another beer.

Dean racked the balls up once again, looking over at Sam. “One game?” He asked. Sam wasn’t sure he was coordinated enough to play but Dean gave him that puppy-eyed look at he couldn’t say no.

“Yeah one game,” Sam agreed. He pushed himself off the bar stool and walked over to the table. Grabbing Bobby’s discarded cue, he leaned back again to watch Dean get the shot lined up. “Tomorrow we’re going to be so hungover, part of me doesn’t even want to wake up.”

“Yeah but we faced the fuckin’ devil..and WON man, we won!” Dean crowed. Sam shushed him, he was drawing attention from the few other townies in the bar. “Don’t shush me. We got a future now, Sammy, because you and me, we defeated the devil. And one very pissy archangel. Without havin’ to say yes.”

“Yeah, speaking of...what about Cas?” Sam glanced at the angel who was still matching Ellen shot-for-shot, despite Jo being slumped half under the table now. “We can’t just leave him.”

“Cas’ll be fine,” Dean said, though he glanced up to look at the dark-haired angel himself. Sam watched his brother’s eyes go from glazed over to much more focused when gazing at Castiel. “He’s...he doesn’t need us anymore. He can go off to Heaven as a big hero for defeating Lucifer.”

“I don’t know about that,” Sam said. “He betrayed his own kind and went against orders to help us. I doubt he can just waltz back in without consequence.” Dean shrugged, bending over the table and lining up his cue, hands shaking slightly with as much as he’d had to drink. He tried to focus.

“Cas doesn’t want to stay with us. What are we, a couple nothing hunters? There’s nothing we have that he wants.”

“Maybe it’s up to him,” Sam said quietly. “We can ask him tomorrow what he wants.”

“I don’t know,” Dean said, still being stubborn. “We shouldn’t bother him. He’s a big, bad angel. Why should he want to be with some lowly human?” Sam, despite being drunk still managed to pick up on that strange phrasing. Was there something more going on with Dean and Castiel than he’d previously thought? He shook his head, trying to clear it a little. That did very little to wipe away the alcohol lenses though, and he thought forlornly of tomorrow, when he’d be hungover and have forgotten this entire conversation. Dean made the shot and stood up, watching the balls scatter. None of them made it into the pockets.

“Damn,” he said, slightly slurring his speech. He backed up and let Sam approach the table.

“Just...think about it, okay Dean?” Sam asked. Dean grunted.

\---

Jo nursed her beer bottle and giggled, half under the table. “Cas, have you ever...gotten laid?” She asked. Ellen had left for the bathroom.

“Laid?”

“Fucked, had sex, porked, boned, done the horizontal tango for two, made the beast with two backs?” Jo asked, her voice light and a little loud for Castiel’s comfort. He blushed and drank another shot. He seemed unable to reach the same level of inebriation as his companions despite how much more he’d had to drink.

“No. There was an opportunity once but...no.”

“Really?” Jo sat up a little and dropped the strand of hair she was playing with. “What happened?”

“Dean took me to a...den of iniquity and paid a woman to dance for me. It was not my fault that she radiated guilt over her relationship with her father. I merely tried to point out that it was not her fault he left her as a child and she became angry and demanded we leave. I suspect, had I not spoken up, she might have...shown me a good time,” he played with his tie as he spoke, unable to look Jo in the eye.

“Meh, it’s a good thing you didn’t sleep with her,” Jo made a face. “Don’t sleep with a hooker. Especially not your first time. You need to spend that card on someone special. Someone you trust, someone who you know will take care of you after and make you feel good.” Castiel’s vessel’s heart seemed to thump hard in his chest at this. “Do you have anyone you know who might fit that bill?” She asked. Castiel thought for a moment. As far as he’d experienced...the only person who fit that bill was…

“Okay, let’s start packing up and heading back to Bobby’s,” Ellen came back and Jo’s face fell, saving Castiel from answering the question out loud. “You’re drunk enough and I’m going to regret it if I stay any longer and Feathers here has successfully proven it takes much more than a few rounds of shots to get an angel inebriated. The party is over and it’s time to go.”

“Aww mom!” Jo protested. Ellen shook her head. “Just be grateful I let you get completely shitfaced in the first place. Tomorrow I go back to being your mom.” Ellen pulled her daughter up and helped her walk to the door. Bobby had called them a cab to take them back to where he was staying.

“See you, Castiel,” Jo turned back to look at him briefly. “Don’t let Dean push you around.” Castiel nodded, though he felt a strange sense of unease inside. The way Jo spoke to him made him feel like there was some kind of knowledge she had of him that he wasn’t aware of. He took another shot of the half dozen left on the table, determined to finish them even if he barely felt any effects.

“Play that funky music white boy!” Dean yelled at Sam from across the room. Castiel swiveled slightly to look at Dean who was holding onto the pool cue, barely, and dancing to whatever song was in his head. Dean’s hair was plastered to his forehead and his shirt was buttoned askew. He was glassy-eyed and disheveled and it made Castiel’s heart squeeze in his chest and his blood get warmer in his veins. He stared, unblinking as he memorized every detail of this moment, trying to keep it forever. He didn’t know what tomorrow would bring and he wanted to remember the good of today.

“Ready to crash, Dean?” Sam asked. Bobby and Ellen were long gone, they’d done what they set out to do which was to get rip-roaringly drunk and even Castiel was slumped over the table surrounded by piles of empty shot glasses.

“Cas, you comin’?” Dean asked as they picked their way across the floor, slightly stumbling around. Castiel lifted his head in hopeful confusion. “C’mon get up, we’re gettin’ a hotel room.” He stood up, feeling very warm and loose-limbed, like his vessel had taken a long nap. Dean clapped him on the shoulder. “You can stay with us. I know you don’t need sleep but maybe your vessel might need some rest?”

“That would be appreciated,” Castiel answered honestly. Dean nudged him along, half-carrying Sam who couldn't walk on his own.

“I’m glad you’re coming with us Cas,” Sam said. “Dean would have been so disappointed.” Castiel looked up at Dean and the two of them locked eyes for a moment. Cas saw something in Dean’s...guilt...hurt...something flickered up for a moment. Dean was the first to break contact, looking away at the door as he hauled Sam out. Castiel wasn’t sure what had just happened between them but it made his spine tingle.


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my betas enamoredhatred and angatita once again.

“Alright buddy, get yourself comfy,” Dean slurred as he threw Sam onto the second bed. “I’m not taking off your clothes so you better be okay with sleeping in your jeans and shirt. I will help you take off your boots though,” he knelt down and pulled off each of Sam’s giant shoes. “Phew! Jesus Sammy, stop marinating in your own sweat and get some better socks!” He tossed the shoes across the room and stumbled over to his own bed, sitting down to pull off each of his own shoes. “Cas, you can uh...have the chair I guess. Sorry there ain’t three beds.” 

“Thank you, Dean,” Castiel said, sitting down on an overstuffed chair with an ottoman and sinking down. Dean managed to get his button up shirt off as well before he was sprawling out across the mattress. 

“Night, Cas.” Dean said. 

“Goodnight, Dean,” Castiel replied. In a matter of seconds he could hear soft snores emanating from Dean’s bed. He settled down in his seat a little more comfortably and watched out the window at the trucks passing by on the highway. 

Castiel didn’t need sleep but he could let his mind rest and he tried now to let things slow down around him so he could fall into what he’d heard other angels call it “Sleep Mode”. It wasn’t really sleep, they explained. It was like when a computer wasn’t active. 

But he couldn’t get comfortable, he couldn’t make his mind stop thinking about things. What it would be like to stay with Dean and Sam? What it would be like to stay with Dean specifically? What would it be like? He imagined sitting in the front seat of Dean’s beloved car, sitting next to him as they drove down the highway on their way to a case. Maybe Dean would have the radio going. Maybe the window would be rolled down a little. 

“See that sign out there Cas?” Dean would ask. Castiel would look across the way to a sign in the distance and Dean would tell Castiel what city they were passing and a little history about it, including the best kind of food to eat in the area. He would say “That’s New Orleans” or “That’s Salt Lake City, Cas.” And Dean would turn up the music when it got to a part he particularly enjoyed and would sing with it, voice deep, full, and rich. Castiel would watch him sing and feel something, a sense of pride and something he couldn’t identify. “Let’s take this stop here,” Dean would say when his favorite part was over. “Let’s get you a burger. I know the best burger joint to visit in all of Salt Lake City, you need to try it.” And they would take the exit together. They would be together and it would be so very good. 

While they were eating, Dean would make jokes about the time Castiel ate over 200 hamburgers and Castiel would be embarrassed but Dean would say “Nah man, don’t worry about it.” Castiel would know that Dean only teases him because he cares. Then Dean would order them a slice of pie to share and their forks would keep bumping into each other so Dean would push Cas’ fork away and say “Hang on here,” and would bring a bite of pie to Cas’ mouth to feed it to him from Dean’s fork. “Isn’t that amazing pie?” Dean would say. “It’s the best cherry/apple/blueberry around for miles,” he would add, according to whatever kind of pie was local and seasonal. 

Cas would take that bite and swallow and Dean would stare at him while he was eating. Cas would shift, nervous because something was crackling in the air between them. Dean would push the pie away and say “Okay we’re done here, let’s get a motel room,” and would wave the waitress over, give her a bigger tip than necessary, and they would hit the road again and Dean would pull into a motel called something like “Neptune’s Palace” or “King’s Inn” or “Golden Arms Motel” and he would grab Cas’ hand, drag him along into the motel room and suddenly they would be alone together and Dean would turn to face the angel and bring a hand up to cup his cheek and he would...

Castiel swallowed, suddenly realizing where his daydreaming had taken him. Dean was...very good looking according to many females who turned their gaze upon seeing him enter a room but he had never fully contemplated the attractiveness of Dean’s features himself. His vessel seemed inclined towards him though, as he was feeling a stirring in his body at the direction his thoughts had taken. Castiel closed his eyes again, trying to let himself relax but the fact that Dean was mere feet away was making it difficult. He tried to change tack. 

Maybe they would be on a case, hunting a ghost. Sam was with them this time. They were on the road and Castiel was in the backseat . Sam was navigating them to the old deserted barn off the old highway. There was no music this time, no singing, only a grim determination to save the family that had been talked into buying a haunted barn. They needed to get to them before it was too late. Dean would be going over instructions to Castiel from the front seat. 

“We have to lie our way in,” he would say. 

“Why?” Castiel would ask. 

“Because lying is how people get what they want,” Dean would say flippantly. Sam would make a face. 

“Because sometimes people aren’t ready to hear the truth,” Sam would add. “There’s many reasons why the truth is too much for some people to handle at first. That’s why we pose as secret agents,cops, or law enforcement. People feel safer if they think we’re one of the good guys.” 

“But you are,” Castiel would point out. “You’re both ‘good guys’. You save many people all the time.” Dean would snort as if he didn’t think of himself in that way. 

“Cas is right,” Sam would say quietly. “Dean, you are a good guy whether you think that or not.” 

“Alright enough with the touchy-feely crap,” Dean would say gruffly but his eyes would lock with Cas’ in the rear-view mirror and would linger there for a second longer than necessary. They would pull up to the house and lie their way into the recently renovated barn turned house and would pretend to be building inspectors or something like that and they would search out the murderous ghost and would ultimately save the family from a fate worse than death. 

Then they would all go out to get drinks to celebrate at a nearby dive bar. Dean would have a beer and Sam would feed quarters into the jukebox to get it to play “Slow Ride” or “Back in Black” or even something called a Bon Jovi. Then Dean would decide it was time for Castiel to learn how to play pool. He would make the angel get up from the bar stool and walk over to the pool table and Dean would rack up the balls like he had just hours ago at the bar and he would line everything up while he explained the game to Cas. He would hand Cas a pool cue and would watch as Castiel awkwardly tried to shoot the balls. Dean wouldn’t laugh though, when Castiel accidentally sent a ball flying off the table. He would pick it up and bring it back and he would get behind Castiel and put the angel’s arms into the correct position. “Like this Cas,” he would say and Castiel would shiver because he could feel Dean’s breath on the back of his neck, could smell the faint scent of alcohol on him, could feel the warm arms around him and the hard ridges of Dean’s body pressing into him. “You can do it angel,” he would say and Castiel would push back just a little and…

Castiel opened his eyes again, embarrassed at how all his fantasies seemed to end. He didn't understand why he continued thinking of such...lewd things about his dear friend. 

Dean let out a snort from the bed, as if reading Castiel’s wicked thoughts and rolled over. Castiel knew that was ludicrous, Dean could not read his mind but nevertheless, he tried to stop thinking about a future with him. 

Maybe none of that would happen. Maybe tomorrow morning he would ask Dean if he could stay and Dean would say something like “Oh. Sorry, we don’t really have room in the car or anything,” and that would be that and Castiel would have to find his own way in the world. The thought terrified him a little. The world was so very big and he wasn’t sure what he was going to do without Sam and Dean to help him navigate. Human customs were strange to him and it wouldn’t be long before one wrong word or one wrong action got him in trouble, maybe even locked up for good. He didn’t know all the human laws yet and it was very likely he could make a mistake without realizing it. According to Dean and Sam, most humans didn’t really believe in angels so he doubted he could simply explain himself. “Sorry officer, I am an angel of the Lord and didn’t know it was against the law to keep an ice cream cone in my back pocket.” For some reason that thought made him laugh out loud. He stopped himself though, not wanting to wake up Sam or Dean. Sam had told him once about some stranger laws that were still ‘on the books’ in many states in their home country. 

“Dean,” Castiel mumbled. “Oh Dean, I wish you could understand…” But Dean would never be able to understand because he was Dean and had grown up with John Winchester for a father. John imposed his own values and beliefs on his children and taught them to see the world in the same way. Sam had been able to make his own mind up but Dean still adhered to many of the things that John taught. Castiel was in a male vessel and Dean would never accept the idea of letting Castiel have more than a friendship because of that. Castiel wondered briefly what would have happened if he had chosen Jimmy Novak’s sister instead. That had been an option at one point. But Jimmy had prayed so fervently...

Dean shifted and mumbled something in his sleep and Cas wanted very badly to look in his head and see what he was thinking but he also knew that Dean would hate the invasion of privacy so he stayed where he was and tried to stop thinking for just a few minutes.


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my betas enamoredhatred and Angatita once again

Eventually, Castiel was able to tune out the intrusive thoughts that wanted to take over as he watched the lights on the highway. He was unaware of time passing until Sam was shaking his shoulder.

“Cas, hey Cas,” Sam said. Castiel looked up. “It’s after noon, do you want to get some breakfast with us?”

Cas sat upright a little more. “Is it not customary to have breakfast in the morning?” He asked.

“Nah, you can have breakfast at any time,” Sam said. “Besides, we all kind of need it after last night. We’re meeting Jo and Ellen and Bobby at his place. Ellen is cooking so we’d better be nice to her. In case you didn’t know, when humans experience what’s called a hangover, which I totally have right now, their brains try to rebel on them by making light and noise exponentially brighter and louder. And uh, we tend to get really cranky as a result,” Sam explained. Castiel thought he understood. Basically, try to be unobtrusive if possible.

“I understand,” Castiel said. Dean stumbled out of the bathroom looking like he’d had the roughest night of his life.

“Gbbhph,” he grunted, wincing as the light from the window hit his eyes. He blocked it with a hand and glared at it as if it offended him.

“I can help,” Castiel offered. “I can get rid of the hangover if you’d like.” His own vessel’s mouth tasted very dry and thick, like a cotton rag had been stuffed into it for several hours. He cleared his throat a few times. “If you’d like.”

“God, please,” Sam begged. Castiel reached out and placed a finger on Sam’s forehead. Instantly he banished away the hangover. Sam blinked a few times and looked at Castiel gratefully.

“Dean?” Sam asked. Dean curled his lip.

“Ngh,” he shook his head. “Don’t like zapping.”

“Dean, don’t be a stubborn ass,” Sam said. “C’mon, you’ll feel better.” Dean made a face and shook his head again.

“Dean, if I promise to be gentle, will you let me take care of you?” Castiel asked in a soft voice. The shorter man looked up at Castiel, studying his face.

“Awright,” Dean mumbled. Castiel stood in front of Dean and instead of placing a finger against his temple, reached out and gently cupped Dean’s cheek. Instead of flooding him all at once with the grace needed to zap away the hangover, he slowly let it trickle into Dean, controlling the amount and direction. Dean’s face lit up as the grace worked its way through his system, cleansing the toxins and alcohol from his blood and leaving him feeling much less groggy and degenerate.

Dean seemed to come to himself, realizing that Castiel was cupping his cheek and pulled away. “Okay man, I’m all good now,” he said, voice sounding slightly nervous for some reason. “No need to touch me anymore.”

“If you’re certain,” Castiel replied. “Do you feel better?” Dean nodded.

“Yeah I do. Thank you, Cas,” he said. Sam remained quiet through this exchange. “Are you doin’ alright, Cas? You look a little rough around the edges. Can’t you uh...use your grace to freshen up?”

“I cannot do to myself what I did to you,” Castiel said. “I will be set to right in a few hours with my angelic healing.”

Dean felt bad about that. Cas had been pretty damned gentle and now he was feeling 100% better but the angel looked like he was still half-asleep and in need of some TLC.

“Are you guys ready to hit the road?” Sam spoke up. Dean glanced over to his brother who was just packing the last of their stuff into his duffle.

“Uh...yeah, right, Cas?” Dean asked. The dark-haired man nodded.

“I am ready to go,” he said. The brother agreed and they headed out. Bobby had found a place outside of town that he’d been staying in and that’s where they headed now. It was about a twenty minute drive.

Dean pointed the car in that direction. Despite their hangovers being long cured, Dean decided for Cas’ sake to keep the music low. In the backseat, Cas was stretched out, relaxed. Dean watched as the angel seemed to drift further and further out of consciousness as they drove. It worried him a little. Was Cas falling now that he was officially a Rebel angel? Was he going to be cut off from Heaven?

“Dean, uh…” Sam didn’t know how to ask. “What do you think Cas wants to do now that the apocalypse is officially over?”

“Dunno,” Dean answered honestly. What the angel did was none of his business. Though he wouldn’t mind if Castiel wanted to stick around a little. It would be...interesting. Maybe. Teaching Cas about humanity. He could see it now…

They would be driving down the road and Dean would spot a bowling alley. “You ever been bowling, Cas?” He would ask as the angel looked wide-eyed at all the scenery around them.

“No, I have never been bowling,” Cas would answer. “What is that?” And Dean would grin big and take the interstate exit to the bowling alley, a quick detour because it was a cryin’ shame that Cas had never experienced bowling before and it was his duty as Cas’ friend to teach him.

“Okay first we need bowling shoes,” Dean would say as they got out of the car. “Do you have any idea at all what size shoe you wear?” He had a feeling the angel had no idea.

“No,” Castiel admitted, looking nervous and upset. “I have never considered the need to change shoes.”

“It’s cool, maybe the inside of that shoe has the size on it.” Dean said. “Don’t fret, angel,” he teased. Castiel’s eyes would soften in relief and Dean would take them inside and order them two games, a pitcher of beer, and he would get Cas to shuck the heavy trench coat and the suit jacket to roll up his sleeves and play a game of bowling. They would find the right shoe size for Cas (which Dean is sure would surprise him). Cas would curiously study every ball until he felt he found one that matched his desired weight resistance. Dean would enter their names in the computer and Cas would point out that he had thought of his nickname as having two of the letter ‘s’ at the end and Dean would wrinkle his brow and point out how dumb that was and that it was Dean who gave him the nickname “Cas” anyway so Dean got to be the one to officially decide how Cas was spelled.

Then Dean would get up and bowl and of course he would hit a strike first go, or maybe he’d get a spare and Cas would ask him ‘What is a spare?” and Dean would explain how a spare meant you hit every pin on the first go but one ‘spare’ pin. And you had two tries to knock all the pins down except if you got a strike on the last frame and you got another strike, you could have a third turn.

Castiel would get excited when it was his turn and try to do it just like Dean had showed him but he would forget his own strength and would accidentally send the bowling ball FLYING across the way and he would get all embarrassed. Dean would refrain from laughing and would patiently go and retrieve the ball for his friend. “Here,” Dean would say. “Let me help you.” And he would stand behind Castiel and help him guide the ball back gently and then they would step forward together as Cas released the ball into the lane. Dean would be pressed up against his back as he watched the ball soar down the lane and hit a few pins straight on. He would be so close...close enough to smell the scent of water and honey that seemed to cling to Castiel wherever he went. Dean would inhale deeply and Cas would turn, almost wrapped in Dean’s arms at this point.

“Dean...thank you,” Cas would say in his deep voice. The lights would suddenly go out and Dean would blink in confusion.

“Time for Space Bowling!” a voice over the intercom would say and strobe lights would go off, making the whole place suddenly very space-ish.

“Dean what is Space Bowling?” Cas would ask, voice husky. Dean would be distracted by the way Cas’ blue eyes seemed to glow under the strobe lights. Something would stir inside him, something unfamiliar as he gazed upon Cas’ face…

No! What in the hell? His thoughts were getting _weird_. He turned to see Sam fiddling with his phone, texting someone.

“Who are you texting?” Dean asked as a way of distracting himself from his own mind.

“Jo,” Sam said without looking up. “Asking her a question about something we talked about last night.”

“Oh?” Dean asked, feeling like this conversation wasn’t going to go anywhere but attempting to steer it nevertheless.

“Uh, yeah, we talked about this astronomer and his theories and I found this article online and I wanted her opinion and-”

Dean held up a hand. “Okay. Nevermind, I shouldn’t have asked.”

“It’s really interesting though!” Sam protested. “He posits that--” Dean cut him off again.

“No really, I’m good,” he said. Astronomy just wasn’t one of his favorite topics. Sure, space was interesting but he’d rather talk practical space exploration and the viability of sending humans to Mars than theories of celestial orbits. Gravitational forces and astrophysics bored him to tears.

“Okay,” Sam said, going back to texting. Dean ignored his brother and focused on the road. His mind started to wander again though, thinking about how it would feel, now that the apocalypse was over, to finally maybe...maybe put down some roots somewhere. Like...they could all buy a big old house together, Dean could teach Cas how to do home repair stuff. They could use it as a base of operations while they still hunted and maybe Sammy could even start doing more research-end stuff, like Bobby, instead of hunting all the time. They could make the house however they wanted. Include a whole sub-basement with a ton of hunting crap that no one would ever see like, if they wanted to have neighbors over. And maybe Dean could get his own kitchen. He could cook for them all. Bake even. Bake pies. He imagined himself right now, baking a pie. Wouldn’t Cas love that, seeing how humans made their food by hand? Cas would probably want to learn too, he wanted to learn so much about humans all the time.

Dean could teach Cas how to bake a pie. It would be fun, teaching him how to roll out the dough, to be gentle with it...he would have to show Cas how to be gentle with the rolling pin.

He imagined his arms on either side of Cas’ body, wrapping around to hold his hands over Cas’, to guide the rolling pin together.

“Like this,” he would whisper. Cas would be silent, just breathing in quiet puffs as they worked the dough together, Dean’s large hands on his. Dean would be close enough to see the short, coarse hairs on the back of Cas’ neck, to feel his body’s hard edges.

Dean would be close enough to lean down and kiss Cas’ neck if he wanted.

He paused.

To do what?

No way, he did so not think that. What a friggin weird thought. His stomach lurched and he realized he was idly drifting into the shoulder. With a start he righted the car. No, no no no no no. His fantasies were getting way out of hand! He needed a distraction. Fortunately the next exit was Bobby’s so he cranked the radio up and started singing along as they approached the ext, not letting his thoughts crowd him out.

Sam looked up from his phone, curious as to why Dean was suddenly going crazy and singing along with a Taylor Swift song of all things. Dean took the exit, grateful that they were only two turns away from Bobby’s place.

“Dude, everything okay?” Sam asked.

“What, of course it is, why wouldn’t it be?” Dean asked, hating how anxious his voice sounded. He tried to calm himself.

“You sure?” Sam asked.

“Yes,” Dean said, trying to end the conversation. He glanced in the rearview mirror. Cas was all but asleep in the backseat, sacked out, head tilted to one side and giving off soft little noises that sounded kind of...well there really was no better way to describe the noises but _cute._

“I can’t believe he’s still out,” Dean said. Sam glanced back as well.

“Yeah, how could he sleep through all that racket you call singing?” Sam teased. Dean glared at his brother a moment before turning his eyes back to the road. They turned into Bobby’s drive and Dean parked.

“You want me to wake him?” Sam asked in a quiet voice. Dean shook his head.

“Let me, you’ll probably give him a heart attack you giant moose,” Dean whispered. Sam made a bitch-face but nodded and opened his door. Dean turned in the driver’s seat.

“Cas,” he called softly. “Buddy,” he added. Cas didn’t stir. Dean reached out to tap him on the cheek and Cas’ hand flew up, cupping Dean’s hand to his face.

“Dean…” Cas said, voice sleepy and rough. He was still waking up. Dean flushed, unsure what was happening.

“Cas we’re here. You like...uh...fell asleep or something,” he tried quietly to extract his hand and Cas’ grip tightened for a moment. “Cas…” Dean didn’t know what to do so he tried pulling his hand away again. Cas seemed to wake up further and realize his hand was keeping Dean’s in place. He released it and Dean sat back in his seat. “We’re uh...at Bobby’s now.” Cas nodded and sat up.

“I suppose I didn’t get much rest in that chair,” he said offhandedly. Dean immediately felt guilty for not letting Cas have a place to sleep. He didn’t really think angels needed sleep though. Or was Cas still an angel? He was kind of a rebel angel at the moment. Maybe he was getting cut off from Heaven again. The thought panicked Dean. He didn’t want to be responsible for Cas losing his mojo again.

“I’m sorry,” Dean said, anxious to make amends. “I uh...I didn’t know you needed sleep.”

“I didn’t either, you couldn’t have known,” Castiel said reassuringly. “Perhaps some food and coffee is in order?” He suggested. Dean was still worried but Cas was climbing out of the car so he reluctantly followed.

“Hey Dean,” Jo said as the two of them entered Bobby’s. She was setting the tiny table with plates and cups and silverware. Bobby was showing Sam something in a book and Ellen was finishing up cooking something that smelled fucking amazing.

“Hash brown casserole,” Ellen called as they came in. “Coffee’s in the pot. Styrofoam cups, sorry we ain’t got nothing fancier. Dean poured himself and Cas a cup each and handed Cas his. Their knuckles made brief contact and Dean felt a zing down his spine. _I’m just overdone from the whole Apocalypse crap. Just got a bunch of emotions zinging around tryin’ to get free. That’s all._ Dean told himself.

Castiel settled himself at the table as well, glancing over at the book Sam and Bobby were examining.

“Is that a book of runes?” He asked. Bobby nodded. “We were hoping you could help us out there, some of the runes are hard to read and I know a lot of languages but I’m not fluent in all of ‘em.”

Dean leaned against the counter, watching the three of them bent over the book together, Cas pointing out what the runes they were looking at meant when they couldn’t figure it out on their own and Sam taking notes on a notepad.

“Man we got wasted last night, huh?” Dean said, half grinning to himself at the memory of Jo dancing to ABBA at one point.

Jo didn't look even a bit ashamed as she fiddled with the full beer bottle that had somehow been discarded unconsumed. “Yeah. I think we needed it, though.”

“Been rough for a while,” Dean agreed. “But it's done now. Over with.” He tested the feel of the words, the enormity of their meaning. It overwhelmed him and for once, whether due to the remnants of last night's hangover or the odd mood he'd been in from considering the future, he didn't mind admitting it.

“I don't really know what to do with that,” he told her, trying to keep his voice light and pretend he wasn't in the middle of an existential crisis. “This kinda crap has been my whole life, you know?”

“You're not the only one.”

“You and your mom gonna rebuild?”

“Maybe, but I wasn't talking about us.” He looked at her sideways, confused, and she grinned impishly. “Your angel gets chatty when he's drunk.” At Dean’s blank expression, Jo continued on. “He wants to stay with you you know,” Dean shifted, unsure what she meant. “You and Sam,” she added, sensing he wasn’t ready to put one foot in front of the other and walk down that path yet. “He wants a family as much as you do, Dean. He needs you guys.”  

Dean didn’t know what to say. Guilt washed over him once again. He grabbed his coffee and took a sip, trying to avoid responding yet. He still didn’t know what to do with Cas or even if that’s what Cas really wanted. Jo told him Cas was talking about that last night but the angel was buzzed on shots. Who knew if that was really what he would still want in the sober light of day? Cas was a powerful angel of the Lord. Why would he want to spend his time with a couple no-good hunters?

“Okay Dean-o, help me get this food on the table,” Ellen said, breaking into Dean’s thoughts. Jo took a swig of her soda and stepped away to sit down. She’d already set the table so it was Dean’s turn to help. Dean focused himself on just getting food to the table and getting it dished out to everyone.

“Okay, so…” Ellen said as they sat down. “Here’s the thing. None of us are really big believers in the old man upstairs. But I think we all kind of owe a little something to the powers that be anyway. We all survived getting our asses handed to us and came out the other side. So dammit, we’re gonna pray and we’re gonna do it right. Bobby, you’re the de-facto head of this little household now. So you pray and no complain’ got it?” Ellen said so fiercely that Bobby decided not to argue and just nodded his head. He even removed his ball cap first before bowing it.

“Dear uh...powers that be...we’re kinda eternally grateful that you decided to spare our measly little lives instead of uh...screwing us over to kingdom come I guess. So thanks. And we’ll try to each of us make sure this world gets a bit better in the future. Amen.” The others echoed his amen and they started eating.

“So, Sam, are you and Dean taking off in the morning?” Ellen asked, trying to appear casual but Dean could read between the lines. Their little family was so very fragile at the moment and no one really wanted to split up yet per say.

“Not sure,” Dean answered. “Sam and I haven’t had a chance to figure out our next move.”

“We have no immediate plans,” Sam reassured Ellen. “We’ll figure things out I guess. Maybe we’ll get a place nearby though. I wouldn’t mind building a library of my own now that Lucifer isn’t threatening to wear me to Prom.” There was uneasy laughter and then silence for a few minutes.

Castiel wondered when the time to talk to Dean would be. After a hearty lunch, Dean and Bobby went out to work on Bobby’s truck which had been blasted with, as Dean called it, “Michael-goo” and Sam helped Ellen clean up in the kitchen. Jo was taking a nap in the other room. He strode about, a little listless.

“Sam, I should...I should…” Cas wrung his hands anxiously. How was he to broach the topic of his future with Sam without making the Winchesters feel obligated to let him stay? It was not his place to put his needs above their comfort.

“What’s up, Cas?” Sam asked, leaning against the doorway to the kitchen.  “Everything ok?” Castiel tried to figure out what to say. “You must miss Heaven I bet. It’s probably hard for you to be down here on Earth and be kind of a rebel.”

“I do miss companionship,” Castiel admitted as he searched for the right words. “It is difficult not knowing where to turn.”

“Those angels are dicks for kicking you out,” Sam said. “Just dicks. Ok?”

“Thank you, Sam,” Castiel said. Sam was trying to help in his own way and it was touching. Sam nodded.

“Anytime, Cas,” he said, striding over to sit on the couch. “Want to watch some college basketball with me?” Castiel had no idea what that was but he nodded, still unsure how to ask for what he wanted. They sat watching the television set until Dean and Bobby came back inside a few hours later. Castiel still had no idea what college basketball was but he suspected it had something to do with men running around in shorts bouncing a ball up and down on a wooden surface and throwing it into very high, round circles.

“Who’s playing?” Dean glanced at the tv, wiping his hands dry on a dish towel after washing the muck off.

“Notre Dame and OSU,” Sam said. Dean watched for a few minutes before turning back to wipe his sweaty forehead. He was too aware of Castiel sitting on the couch, perched primly on the edge of the seat, watching the game play intently as if following along even though the angel clearly had no clue what he was watching. It was just so normal that Dean had to take a moment to himself, to stop his heart beating erratically at the sight.

“Hey guys. Anyone want to go out tonight?” Jo asked. “Sam?”

“Yeah, sure, sounds fun,” Sam said. “Dean, Cas, you guys want to go too?” Cas looked up.

“Out?” He asked curiously.

“Yeah, like...drinking. Maybe dancing. Stuff like that. Just hanging out. Outside of the house.” Castiel still looked uncertain.

“C’mon man, it’ll be fun!” Dean clapped a hand on Cas’ shoulder and Castiel found himself leaning into the warm hand.

“Okay,” he agreed still looking up at Dean. Dean found himself staring at Cas’ blue eyes longer than was strictly necessary. Jo cleared her throat.

“So great, we’re all going out then,” she said. Dean pulled his hand away and made himself scarce, going into the kitchen for a drink. Sam glanced at Jo, having a silent conversation. Castiel didn’t notice at first but then Jo left and Sam stood up, following.

“Is everything alright, Sam?” Cas asked. Sam nodded.

“Yeah, it’s fine, totally fine.” Sam said reassuringly. “Jo wants my help with something.”

“But she didn’t…” Castiel was confused. Jo had said nothing out loud. Human behavior confused him. How did Sam know that Jo wanted something? Sam smiled and turned, leaving the room.

\---

Dean leaned against the counter, drinking his soda. What the hell was going on with him lately? He needed to get his shit sorted and fast because the stuff he was pulling with Cas? Not fucking acceptable. He was being weird and sooner or later Cas would call him on it and Dean wouldn’t know what to say and it might drive Cas away from their lives for good.

He swallowed another swig and almost choked when Cas came into the room. He forced himself to swallow and play cool.

“What’s up?” Dean asked.

“There is something...I wish to speak to you about.” Castiel tried out nervously. He fidgeted slightly. Dean waited for Cas to gather himself.

“There has been...that is to say I have...as I am now cut off from Heaven…

“You’re cut off from Heaven?” Dean interrupted. “Aw, Cas! It’s our fault, isn’t it?”

“Dean,” Cas held up a hand. “I meant...Heaven isn’t really going to welcome me back with open arms right now.” Dean felt another stab of guilt. He just kept screwing everything up, didn’t he?

“Don’t worry,” Dean said. “Tonight, we’ll find someone for you. Someone to uh...take the edge off,” he suggested. “You won’t feel so alone.” Castiel wasn’t sure exactly what Dean was suggesting but it didn’t sound like something he wanted.

“Dean you don’t have to…” Dean shook his head.

“No, you deserve this,” Dean insisted. “You deserve to be happy, you deserve to feel good, dammit. And I’m going to make sure you do,” he finished, looking so stern and solemn that Cas was afraid to argue. “Tonight, we’re gonna find you Ms. Right and if not Ms. Right, then Ms. Right-Now,” he added.

Before Castiel could reply, Sam and Jo came into the kitchen.  
  
“Are you guys getting ready for tonight?” Dean asked, glancing at them. The sun was starting to go down and he was feeling a sort of low excitement at the idea of going out and cutting loose.

“Oh, right,” Jo said, looking back at Sam. “So uh...if you don’t mind, Sam, I was hoping you would help me find more information about this case I thought I found today.”

“A case?” Sam said, sounding like he’d rehearsed his words. “Really?”

“Yeah there were a few reports I saw online earlier about a um...um, mysterious deaths and I was hoping you could help me research it since you’re the master at research.”

“Oh. Well Dean was looking forward to going out but if he doesn’t mind, I would love to help you out.” Dean thought Sam was a terrible, terrible actor.

“Sam, can I see you in the living room?” He said, half-growling. He grabbed Sam’s arm and hauled him away.

“What the heck are you doing?” He asked in a low, harsh whisper.

“Helping Jo with a possible case,” he said innocently. Dean shook his head. He didn’t buy the act.

“Seriously what are you doing?”

“Nothing. Go on without us. Go, enjoy a night off. You deserve it, you helped stop the apocalypse. Look, going out is your way of letting go, staying in and doing research is mine. Have fun,” Sam had the fucking audacity to wink at Dean. Wink! Dean growled, frustrated as Sam sidled away nonchalantly

Dean stomped back into the kitchen. “Is everything alright, Dean? Do you still want to go...out?” Cas asked. Dean glanced at Cas who seemed to have a hopeful expression on his face. Dammit, those two were up to something but he didn’t want to disappoint Cas either.

Castiel didn’t know why Jo and Sam suddenly didn’t want to go ‘out’ but this was the perfect opportunity to talk to Dean, alone and express some of the things on his mind. This way, no one would be able to interrupt or make Dean feel uncomfortable.   .

“Yeah...uh...sure, we can go out, Cas,” Dean said. Sam and Jo made themselves scarce as Dean readied himself for a night out. There was a bar down the way from their motel, a different one than the one they were in last night that had burgers and stuff on the menu. Maybe they could get a bite there and Dean could find someone to take the loneliness away from Cas for a night.

It only took a half hour for Dean to get himself ready. Cas was still dressed in his ever present trench and suit and Dean had a feeling it would be a lost cause trying to get him out of it.

“See you guys later,” Dean called as he picked up the keys. Bobby and Ellen were watching the news and Sam and Jo were huddled around the table, looking at Sam’s laptop. Dean could swear he heard the distinct sound of _Parks and Recreation_ coming from Sam’s laptop but he kept his comments to himself.

“Wait!” Ellen stood up as Dean headed to the door.

“What is it?” Dean asked. Ellen asked if they would consider taking a photo together, all of them.

“We, as a team, survived the Apocalypse. And uh...who knows what might happen tomorrow or the next day...I just...want to remember this moment.”

“A photo?” Bobby raised an eyebrow.

“What the hell, sure,” Sam stood up and Jo followed suit. Dean rolled his eyes but Ellen was already getting a camera out of her bag.

“Bobby do you have anything that we can prop it up on?” Bobby thought he might have an old tripod in the closet so he hauled it out and cursed, dropping the tripod on his foot. Jo had scattered to the bathroom to fix her hair.

“Hurry the damn hell up everyone,” Ellen complained. “I want this over with so I can watch _The Walking Dead_.” Finally, Bobby had the camera positioned and dragged a chair over.

“My foot hurts,” he complained. He sat down and everyone else lined up around him. Jo stood behind him, next to Dean who insisted Ellen stand next to him. He was posturing about wanting to appear tall as opposed to seeming short next to Sam but Jo surmised it was more about not being too close to someone else. Sam stood next to Castiel who looked proud at having been asked to be part of the photo. Jo ran over and hit the timer and ran back to stand behind Bobby once again.

The timer went off and the flash went off. No one smiled though, still thinking of Ellen’s comment about how nothing was certain even after the Apocalypse had been stopped. Dean’s mind was busy thinking of how close he’d been to losing Sam. Sam was thinking about how he’d come close to sacrificing himself without ever doing what he really wanted to do, without finding his true purpose. Jo and Ellen were both thanking the gods, luck or the stars that they were both still alive after a near death experience in Carthage.

And Bobby was thinking about how he had spent so long confined to the chair and how short this life was. How much he’d missed out on by being a grizzled old hunter. He looked up at Ellen from the chair.

“Ellen May Harvelle,” Bobby said suddenly, voice solemn and gruff. Ellen looked down, shocked and a little annoyed at the use of her full name.

“Robert Steven Singer?” She replied.

“Shush woman. Look, I’m old.”

“No you’re not,” Sam and Dean both protested at the same time.

“I AM old,” Bobby glared at them. “I’m old and I’m ornery and I’m alone. But this apocalypse has made me realize I don’t have to be alone. So will you uh...will you consider movin’ in with an old man and givin’ me some company in my old age?”

“Bobby you ain’t old and you ain’t alone,” Ellen put a hand on her hip. “As for being your company...well dammit you sonofabitch I thought I’d die before you ever asked.”

“So that’s a yes?” Bobby asked, checking.

“Damn straight. Between the two of us, I figure we’re the only parents these boys have anymore and we might as well raise these kids together.”

“Well hallelujah, I’ll be damned,” Bobby seemed in awe. Dean and Sam both looked at each other before heading in to hug Ellen and Bobby. Jo seemed to have the same idea.

“I ain’t Bill,” Bobby began. “But you can always count on me, kid,” he said to Jo when she hugged him tightly. “I’ll try to be there for ya.”

“I know, Bobby,” Jo said. “And even though all of us here are grown, I feel like that really makes you guys my brothers now,” she glanced at Dean who scooped her up for a hug too.

“We always were, kiddo,” Dean said.

“Yeah, definitely,” Sam agreed. Castiel looked away, giving the family their own happy moment. It made his heart beat curiously hard in his chest and a strange feeling of sadness washed over him.

“Awright, now that this love-fest shit is over, let’s go get hammered,” Dean declared and put his arm around Cas, dragging him away from the group.

“See you boys later,” Ellen called. “Don’t do anything stupid. Keep an eye on him, Cas,” she added. Castiel nodded as Dean wrangled him out the door.

“Don’t get me wrong, Bobby is great and Ellen is great but I can only take so much family togetherness before I get the itch to go drink,” Dean said as he pulled the keys out. “Bar?”

  
“Yes, I believe I agree,” Castiel replied. “I too felt the urge to ‘get away’.” He climbed into the passenger seat. Suddenly he remembered his daydream-fantasy and his heart skipped a beat. He was sitting next to Dean just like in the daydream.


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my betas enamoredhatred and Angatita once again

The drive was a fast one, both eager to get there for different reasons. Dean parked at the place which was actually a pub and ushered Castiel inside. 

“Okay, burgers first, then get faced,” Dean said as he found them a table. A waitress in a pair of black shorts and a tight blue top came over. 

“Hey guys, welcome to The Fox and the Hound,” she said. Dean glanced her over. She was hot alright but this night was about finding a hookup for Cas so he peeked over to see Cas’ reaction. The dude looked nervous, maybe a good sign? She had brunette hair and pretty green eyes with long lashes. 

“Hey…” Dean searched for a nametag. “Chloe. How are you? I’m Dean and that’s Cas.” He gestured to the angel in the trench-coat who was starting to sweat a little. Dean mouthed ‘relax’ at Cas who adjusted his tie slightly. 

“Nice to meet you Dean,” Chloe said. “And uh...Cas…” she seemed to kind of dismiss Cas outright. Okay, Chloe was out. Dean made his body angle slightly towards Cas to give off the vibe that he was out with Cas and that he didn’t want to be hit on. Best let her down now before she got the wrong idea. Chloe’s smile seemed to dim a little as he moved away from her. 

“What can I get you guys to drink?” She asked, suddenly more business-like. Dean ordered a pint of what was on tap and Castiel asked for water. She left to give them time with their menus. 

Dean decided he definitely liked this place. The burgers all sounded amazing. The decor was cheesy enough to be fun and the waitresses were definitely hot. There were another couple of ladies standing around the bar, making talk with the bartender. The taller of the two was clearly trying to flirt with the bartender but the shorter one seemed to have promise. She had long legs and dark hair, almost black and was wearing a t-shirt that said “A Little Risk Never Hurt Anyone” and a cartoon of a duo playing ‘Risk’ with one flipping the table in anger. It was humorous and fun, surely that translated to her personality. She turned and gave them a shy smile and Dean definitely saw potential for Cas with her. Their hair was almost the same color, even. 

Cas cleared his throat. “So I believe I will have the Black and Bleu burger,” he said. Dean was still in ‘chick hunting mode’ so he had to shake his head to clear it. 

“What?” 

“The burger, I have decided upon the blackened burger with bleu cheese and crispy onions atop it. It sounds like an interesting combination.” 

“Oh right,” Dean nodded. “Good choice. I think I’m getting the Americana with BBQ sauce.” 

“That also sounds very tasty,” Cas agreed. “Dean, there is something I should…” But before he could continue, Chloe came back with their drinks. 

“One house beer, one water,” she slid a coaster in front of each of them and set their drinks atop it. “Ready to order?” 

“Yeah, I’ll get the Americana with uh...chips, that’s the same thing as fries right?” Chloe nodded. “And BBQ sauce,” Dean ordered. Castiel relayed his order as well and Chloe disappeared once again. 

“Dean,” Castiel said again. But Dean was craning his neck, trying to see where the other waitress had gone. “Dean?” 

“That one over there, what do you think?” Dean asked, subtly pointing out the dark-haired waitress. 

“What about her?” 

“She’s cute, right?” 

Castiel appraised her critically. “She is not unpleasant to look at. It appears she is coming off a recent break-up though,” he added. 

“Oh man, Cas, that’s the best time. They’re all vulnerable and fragile and want proof that they’re still desireable, they usually don’t want another relationship though, just something to help them move on, I say you pretend to need to go to the bathroom and ask her for directions. Then you can talk to her.” 

“What would I say?” Castiel asked, puzzled. 

“Well, ask her for her name first, then go from there I guess.” Castiel still looked unsure. “Go!” Dean encouraged. He watched Castiel walk over to the waitress and start talking. He gestured with his hands and she replied then more gesturing and they were engaged in a conversation shortly. Dean smiled. Everything was going great but...why was Cas coming back to the table? No, no he should be hooking up with her or at least getting her number! 

“Cas, what the hell man?” 

“It was unsuitable as a match,” Cas answered. Dean wrinkled his nose. 

“She is...as you call it...lesbian,” Castiel said as he slid into the booth. Dean pondered that for a moment, his mind going directly to the image of dark-haired waitress with Chloe and had to shake himself out of his mental porno. 

“That’s too bad,” Dean said. “We’ll find you someone.” 

“But, Dean…” Cas started speaking again but this time a group of girls came into the bar together. Dean was instantly drawn to the red-head. She had copper-colored curls and big, round, blue eyes. She caught his eye for a moment and blushed, smiling at him. His stomach dipped and he fought the urge to go chase after her. She was definitely gorgeous. 

“There’s more prospects, look,” Dean pointed the group of girls out to Cas. “How about the uh...the blonde,” he suggested. Castiel checked her out. She was tall with a large chest, something told him that Dean would definitely enjoy spending his night with her. 

“She appears to be a college student and seems uninterested in either having a partner for the night or being….approached by a male,” he suggested. 

“She’s got her ‘closed for business’ sign on, huh?” Dean said sadly. 

“Yes. She is here with her sister, the one with the red hair,” Castiel said. Red-head glanced over at them again and smiled. 

“Red-head seems open to possibilities,” Dean said, noticing how she zeroed in on Cas and how she seemed to turn away a little too quickly when Cas looked back at her. 

“Okay guys, a black and blue burger and one Americana,” Chloe came out with their food and they were momentarily distracted by eating. Dean’s burger was amazing and he hoped he’d have an excuse to come back to this weird little out-of-the-way pub again before they took off for...well, wherever they ended up heading. 

“How’s your food?” Dean asked, halfway through his burger. 

“It tastes...like molecules,” Castiel admitted. “But...I enjoy the different way they interact. So it’s not completely a waste.” 

“Aw, sorry dude,” Dean said. “I didn’t really think about how you’d enjoy food I guess.” He felt guilty and his resolve to find someone for Cas for the night strengthened. Red-head kept eyeing their table and Dean took that as a good sign. 

“It’s fine, Dean,” Cas insisted. “I wanted to spend time with you. You would consider us friends, wouldn’t you?” 

“What? Of course!” Dean said, a little too loud and he winced when a few people looked their way and lowered his voice. “Yes, definitely, Cas. You’re my friend and Sammy’s friend, hell you’re more than that. You’re family, man.” 

“I...am?” Cas looked up, holding a french fry in his hands which was doused in ketchup. He seemed startled by the confession. 

“Yes,” Dean said, heart starting to beat harder in his chest. He didn’t know what possessed him to confess this in public, in a bar no less. “Bobby said it before. Family don’t end in blood. And uh...you’ve done more for me and Sam in these two short years than..than…” Dean stopped himself, feeling a little wobbly. He was about to tell Cas that he’d done more than even John but...he couldn’t bring himself to admit that. Couldn’t tell Cas that’s why he was feeling so damned torn over what might happen tomorrow, what Cas might do. If he kept talking he might do something stupid like beg Cas to stay with them forever. To stay with Dean. But Dean was so not going to do that. He was going to stuff all that crap down, bury it away. 

“Than what?” Castiel asked, not impatient, not expectant but just...somehow gentle and open. Dean bit his lip. 

“Just...you’ve done so much. You’re definitely family now,” Dean finished up. He picked up his beer and drank it down to avoid any more uncomfortable conversation.. He ordered another beer when Chloe came back and drank that too, in a much shorter time span. Cas was slowly finishing up his meal and Dean needed the distance that alcohol could provide. 

“Alright, here’s your check, sir,” Chloe said, a lot less flirty now that they were done eating and hadn’t tried to hit on her once. She set the bill down in front of Dean who grabbed two twenties out of his wallet and put them down. More tip than she deserved but Dean was feeling generous. 

“Okay, let’s say we go up and check out the bar,” Dean said. “Maybe we can hook you up with Red-head.” Castiel still looked unsure but felt like maybe this was a way to bond with Dean. Whatever Dean wanted to do, he would go along with it. Dean directed them towards the front of the pub and they sat down in two empty bar seats, one seat down from Red-Head and her friends. 

“Beer for him, whiskey, neat for me.” Dean ordered. He was ready to start the evening. “Okay, so here’s the plan,” he said when the bartender turned to make their drinks. “I’ll be your wingman.” 

“What’s…” 

“It’s the guy who distracts the friends so you can get in there and talk to the girl without interference. See, girls are pack animals and they want to stay in a pack. That’s why they go to the bathroom in groups. So I need to distract her friends and then you can swoop in there and talk to Red-Head. Oh, and,” Dean leaned in and whispered to Cas. “Offer to buy her a drink. It’s a sign of interest.” 

“OK,” Castiel thought he understood. Dean leaned over, talking to Red-Head’s sister and eventually convinced the girl, along with their other friend to go play some pool. Red-Head said she wanted to stay and finish her drink first. 

“Hello,” Castiel said, still nervous. 

“Hi,” the girl said. 

“May I buy you a drink?” Castiel offered. 

“Sure,” she smiled. The bartender came over and Castiel ordered another beer and the girl ordered a gin and tonic. 

“So what’s your name?” The girl asked. 

“My name is Castiel,” he said. 

“Hmm, I’ve never heard that name before,” she said. “My name is Jeanne.” 

“Nice to meet you,” Castiel said, trying to be polite. He wasn’t sure how this whole thing worked. Was buying a drink a sign he wanted to take her to a motel room? Was he giving off that intention? What should he be doing here? He wished Dean were here, giving him more advice. He wasn’t even sure he wanted to be with this girl, intimately. What did Jo say about the first time? It should be with someone special and someone he trusted? Could he trust this girl?

“Anyway, so let’s say we get out of here,” Jeanne said coyly, leaning into Castiel a little. “You and your friend.” 

“Hmm?” Castiel was unsure what he’d missed. Jeanne leaned in and whispered in his ear. 

“I want you and your friend over there playing pool to come over to my hotel room right now and fuck me senseless. Both of you,” she said, her tongue practically in Cas’ ear. He jumped back, almost knocking the bar stool over in his haste. He had NO idea what he was supposed to do with that information. He hastened to find Dean and figure out what he was supposed to do or say in that situation. 

“Dean,” Cas said urgently. “Dean!” Dean looked up from where he was playing pool. He saw Jeanne sitting at the bar still, a vaguely pissed off look on her face and grabbed Cas by the arm, dragging him near the bathrooms. 

“Cas what’s going on?” Dean asked. “Why is she over there by herself?” 

“Dean I do not know how...Jeanne...she suggested we go back to her hotel room…” 

“Dude, you can figure it out from here by yourself,” Dean said. “You’re in man, go on.” 

“With you,” Cas added. “The three of us...Jeanne wanted you and I…” 

“Oh HELL no,” Dean said, glancing over at the girl at the bar who wiggled her fingers at them. “NO, absolutely not. We are NOT engaging in a devil’s three-way!” He looked extremely uncomfortable at the idea. “Let’s get out of here, find a bar and drink until you pick someone normal up.” Dean said. Cas shuffled around, grateful that Dean seemed to understand how he felt at the suggestion that Jeanne gave. 

Dean dragged him out the pub and down to the bar they had been at the night before. He and Cas entered and the bartender looked up. 

“Hey!” He called, cheerfully grinning. “Maura, get out here! Maura!” A woman came in from the back, holding a rag and a glass she was wiping down. 

“What is it, Eli?” She asked. 

“It’s our 500th customers!” Eli said enthusiastically. “Maura, these gentlemen are our 500th customers!” Dean half-grinned to himself. 

“What did we win?” Dean asked. 

“Free drinks on us, all night,” Eli said. “And $200 in cash, we’ve been so excited for our 500th customers we’ve been talking about it all week, haven’t we Maura?” Maura nodded vigorously. 

“Eli, I’m putting on the jukebox!” Maura said. Eli made a face. 

“None of that depressing Smiths stuff though,” he warned. 

“No, I’ll put on AC/DC,” Maura said, hurrying over to the jukebox. There were half a dozen customers in the bar and several were older barfly types. Dean felt a little uncomfortable being the center of attention but hoped Cas wasn’t too put off. Plus, hell...free drinks all night and $200 cash sounded awesome! 

The jukebox started up and Back in Black began to blast in the bar. Dean nodded along with the music, pleased at their choice. Maura came back over. 

“Hey hun, dance with me,” she begged. Eli came around from behind the bar and twirled her around. Dean watched as they danced to AC/DC together and felt a tug in his heart. He glanced at Cas who was absentmindedly shredding a bar napkin. 

Eli came back after a few minutes and asked them what they wanted to drink. 

“Whiskey shots and keep ‘em coming,” Dean said. He glanced at Cas to make sure that was alright before turning back to the bartender to confirm. Eli poured them both shots of whiskey and Dean drank his in one go, setting it back down on the counter. Eli handed him another and Dean drank that one down quickly too. 

“Hmm, rough night?” Eli asked. 

“More like...rough week,” Dean said. Cas drank his first shot more slowly and finished up after Dean had finished his second. “Rough month. Rough life. Anyway, we’re out tonight to drink and forget about the shit we’ve seen and maybe get this guy here…” He leaned in. “Laid,” he whispered. “He’s on the prowl.” 

“Hmm, there’s a girl comes in around 10 every night after she gets off work,” Eli said. “She’s always down for a good time. Not every guy gets a shot with her but she’s pretty laid back about casual hook-ups if that’s what he’s looking for.” 

“Thanks,” Dean smirked. “We might just get you laid yet buddy,” he grinned at Cas and pounded a few more shots. He enjoyed the way the whiskey burned on the way down. It made his head feel more clear and body more alert. Cas drank his drinks much more slowly and looked anxious. 

“Relax,” Dean leaned over. “You got this. C’mon, Cas. You might be an angel but you saved the friggin’ universe from being taken over by Asshole Lucifer and the Pissed Off God Squad. You deserve one night of happiness, hell, you’re OWED one night of happiness. And I’m gonna make it happen for you one way or another.” Castiel wondered on that, did Dean really want him to get ‘lucky’ that badly? He wondered why Dean wanted this so much for him. He had never truly contemplated those base acts that humans seemed to engage in with such relish. 

“Ah,” Cas responded, not sure how else to respond. “Thank you, Dean,” he added. They continued to drink and Dean told Cas a few stories to make him laugh and relax. 

Maura came over and brought a few dirty glasses to be cleaned. “How are you fellas doing tonight?” She asked. 

“Great, thanks,” Dean grinned. 

“You guys are such a cute couple,” she said. “I’m so glad you were my 500th customers.” Dean almost choked. 

“Oh, uh...we’re not a couple,” he managed to get out. She had to hand him some napkins to clean up the spilled beer. 

“Oh, sorry,” she said. “Thought you were. You sure you aren’t?” 

“Positive, but uh...thanks for the compliment, I guess,” Dean added. Castiel quirked his head. For some reason this human assumed that he and Dean were a couple. Interesting. 

Almost exactly at 10, a tall brunette walked in. She looked around before settling herself a few seats down from Cas. 

“Hey, Lila,” Eli said and slid her a pint of cider. “How was work?” 

“Terrible!” Lila said. “I don’t want to get into it but I might have to quit soon! Dammit, why can’t I just find someone to work for who doesn’t have it out for me! This is the third job that I swear...no I don’t want to get into it,” She repeated. “But tonight all I want to do is drink and go home and eat cold fettuccini,” she lamented. Dean sighed. Lila might have been laid-back on any other night but of course, on this one night he was trying so damned hard to help his buddy out, she would be a challenge. Night wasn’t over yet though. 

“Sounds pretty rough,” Dean spoke up, leaning into Cas a little to glance at Lila. “This guy here, he knows a thing or two about bosses who have it out for you.” He nudged Cas. 

“Right,” Cas nodded. “My bosses tried to kill me,” He added. 

“F-figuratively!” Dean spoke up. “WIth their workload.” 

“They tried to stab me,” Cas said, trying for sympathetic. 

“Behind the back, you know, with office gossip!” Dean broke in, glaring at Cas. The angel could not be doing a worse job of trying to get Lila interested. She sighed and put her head in her hands. 

“Thanks for the sympathy guys but really, I just want to be alone,” Lila said, draining her beer. “Please?” 

“Aw, okay sorry,” Dean said. Castiel felt...a strange sense of relief that Lila, who was known to be ‘down for a good time’ was not looking for anything tonight. He didn’t understand why. 

Dean drank a few more shots before switching to beer. “Okay, Cas, here’s the game plan. I’m almost wasted enough to get a motel room for the night and leave you alone. Maybe I’m bringing your game down man, maybe me tryin’ to interfere is tryin’ too hard.” 

“You have been a good friend,” Castiel insisted. “You were just trying to make me happy but Dean, I don’t wish to engage in intercourse with any of the women you suggested.” 

“Intercourse, what a dumb word,” Dean said. “It sounds so clinical when you say it like that. C’mon man, let’s get out of here, the evening was a bust.” He waved to Eli who came over and gave Dean an envelope. 

“Thanks for being our 500th customers,” Eli said. “Good luck with your night,” he added. Dean nodded, stuffing the envelope in his jacket pocket. He and Cas left the bar out the back, Dean leaning on Cas for support. Cas’ jacket was askew. 

“Man, I dunno...maybe we can try again tomorrow,” Dean suggested, laughing. “We just couldn’t seem to get you hooked up.” 

“Speaking of tomorrow,” Castiel tried to bring up the topic of the future once again but Dean was too far gone. 

“No, we need to focus on tonight,” Dean said. “We can’t drive back to Bobby’s tonight so let’s just get a motel room. We got all this cash burnin’ a hole in my pocket anyway. We’ll crash there and tomorrow we’ll just try again. And again. And again. Because you’re not going to survive the apocalypse only to die a virgin on some dumb hunt!” He said fiercely. “That ain’t gonna happen.” 

Castiel was taken aback by the ferocity of Dean’s statement. It seemed...like maybe Dean wanted him around after all. And that he was worried about Castiel’s future. Could he dare hope? They headed across the street to the motel they had stayed at previously and Dean, still heavily inebriated, checked them in. 

“Okay, let’s get inside, I want to wash my hands,” Dean said as they headed for the room. “That check-in pen was WET,” he shuddered. Once inside, he headed for the bathroom. Castiel chewed his lip. If Dean really...really wanted him to understand intimacy...maybe the person to ask was...Dean himself...he stepped forward. Dean finished washing his hands and looked up. Cas was directly in his space. 

“Dude...Cas...personal space,” he said. 

“Dean...I need to ask you something,” Castiel was tentative and hesitant. But Jo had been insistent on his first time being with someone meaningful and he couldn’t imagine anyone more meaningful than Dean Winchester. 

“What’s up?” Dean swayed slightly. 

“Jo told me something. She said that if I was going to...be intimate with someone that my first time should be with someone who I trust. Someone I care about. Someone special. Dean...will you do this with me? WIll you be my first time?” 

“Uh…” Dean’s mind went blank for excuses. “Really? Me?” Was all he could think to say. “I uh...need a drink,” he reached into his jacket for his flask and took a long swig. 

“Yes, you,” Castiel said. He stepped closer to Dean, close enough to see the small stubble on his cheeks that was beginning to grow out. Close enough to smell the aftershave Dean wore. He breathed in the scent, letting it wash over him. Something stirred deep inside as he took Dean’s scent in. “You’re very handsome,” he added. “I am taken to assume that physical attraction is a factor in sexual endeavors? I must admit that my vessel finds your physical form pleasing.” 

Dean’s mind was whirling with this information. “You think I’m...attractive? Uh, I didn’t know you...swung that way.” 

“I am an angel of the Lord. Human labels do not apply.” 

“I see,” Dean licked his lips, suddenly seeing Cas, seeing all of him. He noticed the way Cas’ hair was mussed up just enough to look like he’d been at it all night in bed, the way his blue eyes were just SO blue, the way his jaw, set in a determined fashion when he wanted something, looked right now. He wanted this. He was going in with his eyes wide open. 

“Uh…” Dean really couldn’t think of a reason to say no. He was just drunk enough that he thought maybe this could work. Just one night right? Just a friend helping the other out. “What the hell,” he said, launching himself at Cas, kissing him right there on those plush lips. 

Dean was now kissing Castiel. Castiel was shocked momentarily. The weight of Dean’s lips was heavy, Dean had really thrown himself into the kiss. He gently guided Dean back a little and suddenly it went from a strange, new sensation to a strange, amazing sensation! The pressure, having been adjusted, was amazing, the feel of Dean’s lips, the scent of whiskey...Castiel had never felt something so overwhelmingly good before. His whole body threw itself into responding, guiding Dean back and back until he had him pinned to the wall and was hungrily devouring Dean’s mouth. When Dean opened up for him...fuck! He didn’t know it could get better! The feel of Dean’s tongue sliding against his, the way he let Cas take over and explore his mouth...he suddenly realized what humans had been singing the praises of all this time. Kissing was magical, kissing was wonderful. He ground his hips against Dean’s and his vessel responded with little electric shocks up and down his spine. The sensation was all-consuming. His body felt like it was aflame, he needed to dive into Dean to put it out. 

“Oh...ooh,” Dean moaned and the way it sounded was delicious, like he could do this forever just to hear Dean’s voice as it responded to Castiel’s movements. “Damn, fuck,” Dean panted. Castiel took charge, pushing Dean’s jacket off his shoulders, down until it was on the ground and then he latched his mouth on the spot between Dean’s neck and shoulder’s and worked his lips, sucking the skin, tasting it with his tongue. Dean bucked against’ Castiel and he could feel Dean’s stiff, hard erection against his body’s own erection. The way they felt together was magical, like the wind on a warm day or like watching the bees in the park on Sunday afternoon. Just perfect, like he could spend his life doing it and never tire. 

“Dean, Dean, Dean,” Castiel murmured, moving to cup Dean’s face between his hands and kiss him again, hungry to keep going. “Please, oh yes…” 

Dean pushed Cas’ jacket off his shoulders too, both of them until Cas stood in nothing but his dress shirt and slacks, working the tie over Cas’ head. 

“Fuck!” Dean said as Cas ran his hands under Dean’s shirt, cupping them against Dean’s back, pulling him closer to kiss and touch wherever he could reach. Dean started pushing back, crowding Cas out, leading them to the bed where they fell together in a tangle of limbs, continuing to kiss and fondle each other. Castiel could not get enough of this, all the new sensations such as when Dean bit down on Cas’ neck and flicked over it with his tongue or the way Dean’s nipples felt, tiny little nubs that hardened into stiff peaks when he rubbed them. Castiel shivered when Dean managed to work his shirt and undershirt off and then Dean latched onto his nipples and oh dear Father in Heaven! 

Soon, they were in boxers and rutting into each other restlessly as they continued kissing and groping. Dean was making frantic little moans at the back of his throat, pleading for Castiel to “Give it to me, please give it to me” and Castiel vanished away both their boxers with one hand while the other wrapped around Dean’s exposed dick and his own and began to work them together. He wasn’t sure entirely what he was doing but this seemed appropriate and right, this felt right. He could feel a tightening sensation inside his body, like it was just on the edge of something wonderful, he wanted to keep going, wanted to chase the pleasure. As they moved together, Castiel felt his body’s pleasure intensifying, making it hard to concentrate on anything but the feel of Dean rutting against him. 

“Yes, yes!” Dean cried out, “I’m so close!” He arched his back and Dean began to ooze bodily fluid all over Castiel’s hand and for some reason that made his own body respond favorably because he stiffened and…

“DEAN!” Castiel cried out, feeling release being yanked from deep within. He was exploding into a million pinpoints of light and he had never felt anything so profound, so incredible in all his existence. He felt warm, thick liquid coating his hands and he continued working their shafts together until it seemed like both he and Dean were completely spent. Castiel felt a kind of tiredness wash over him, a need to take a breather. 

“Dean,” Castiel said hoarsely. “I…” 

“That was fuckin’ amazing,” Dean yawned. “Goin’ to sleep now…” He pulled Cas down with him and laid his head on the pillow. “Can you uh...clean us up?” He asked, feeling warm come pooling on his belly. Castiel nodded and in a moment, all traces of their encounter were gone and they were naked but clean. 

Dean curled up, feeling the booze work its way through his system to make him tired. He yawned again and was out like a light. 

Castiel however, was still wide awake and feeling a million things at once. It was overwhelming, to say the least. He couldn’t fall asleep or even relax enough to enter ‘sleep mode’. 

His heart was still beating erratically, frantic in his chest. He had no idea...none whatsoever. As he glanced at Dean who was snoring softly, an ache threatened to make his heart burst right out of his chest. This new feeling was threatening to overwhelm him completely and drag him under. What had happened had been so much more profound than he was expecting. He brushed a strand of hair off Dean’s forehead and Dean snuggled up closer in his sleep. How could he have known that this act would cement the growing feelings he had inside for his friend? How could he have known that it would make him feel so much at once now that it was over? He wanted to stay with Dean forever, more now than before. 

He was unsure when it had happened. Maybe it was a slow process that was completed by this act. Maybe it had always been that way and he just never realized because he was an angel and unattuned to human emotion before now. 

Whatever the means, however it had happened...Castiel was in love with Dean. 

At some point in the night, when Castiel got up to stare out the window of the motel as he contemplated his revelations, Dean began to shiver so Cas mojo’d their clothes back on them both. He didn’t want Dean to suffer but he needed space to think. 

He had come to three conclusions. One, his heart now belonged, forevermore, to Dean. He was certain that the way he felt was love. It was an unequivocal feeling to anything he’d ever experienced before. Two, he wanted a lifetime with Dean. He wanted to hunt with him, to grow old with him and when the time came, to spend an eternity in Heaven by his side. Three, he had no idea if Dean felt the same way. 

Dean had numerous ‘one night stands’ and had never developed a long-term relationship with any of his partners so far. Castiel would be foolish and arrogant to think he was any different. But his heart longed to know that last night had been more than that for Dean. That last night had been...as meaningful for him as it had been for Castiel.


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my betas enamoredhatred and Angatita once again.

Dean shifted, slowly waking up. His head was a little sore but he didn’t feel too bad after last night...last night. Last night when he...oh god. He...he...fuck. He stared wide-eyed in horror as he realized what he had done. Last night, in his drunken state he had decided to take advantage of poor Castiel’s naivete and completely screwed him, figuratively and metaphorically. Shit! 

He lay still, hoping that Castiel wasn’t awake or was gone maybe. Just...he didn’t want to have to face Cas yet. Not after what he’d done to the poor guy. 

He felt the bed shift, a solid weight pressing against his hip. 

“Did last night mean anything?” Dean shifted to lean on his elbow and look up at Castiel. 

“What?” 

“Last night,” Castiel pursed his lips, looking down at his hands. “Did it mean anything to you?” He looked Dean in the eyes and Dean felt his heart stop. What the hell was he supposed to say to that? Did Cas want it to mean something? What if Cas was just worried that Dean read too much into his request? What if Cas was pissed that Dean took advantage of him? He panicked and blew out a breath. 

“Uh, what happened last night?” Dean asked, feigning innocence. “I completely blacked out, I don’t remember anything after that fifth beer.” 

“You don’t...remember…” Castiel looked hurt and Dean didn’t know how to respond. He couldn’t back out now, couldn’t tell the truth and say “Yeah I lied because I panicked, I totally remember taking drunken advantage of my best friend! And I want to do it again!” No way, there was no way in Heaven or Hell he could tell Cas that. Cas was an angel, he wouldn’t get that Dean was in a dreadful panic after realizing he’d gone and done three stupid things in one night, one, fucked a guy. Dean wasn’t gay but that didn’t mean that he’d never experimented a little. But this was way far out of what he’d ever done. Number two was that he’d fucked his best friend, he’d fucked Cas of all people. And number three, not only had he done so but he was now struggling to come to terms with the idea that maybe he wanted more from Cas than just friendship. It was a goddamned mess and better Dean try to put it behind them and suffer through his feelings on his own than ruin his friendship with Castiel. 

“Sorry, uh, I just don’t remember anything. Was it important?” Dean asked. 

“No. I guess it wasn’t.” Castiel was hurt so he missed the look that flashed across Dean’s face. Just then Dean’s phone rang. He grabbed it off the nightstand. 

“Yes?” Sam was on the other end. 

“There’s a case,” he told Dean. 

“I thought that was just an excuse to hang out with Jo,” Dean teased. 

“There really is a case,” Sam said. “We think a ghost is making people vanish at a school outside of Nashville.” 

“Tennessee?” Dean asked. Sam confirmed and asked Dean to come back from wherever he’d ended up fast because there were three disappearances already and the first had just turned up dead this morning. Dean ended the call and stood up from the bed. 

“Okay time to go,” Dean said. “There’s a case going on in Tennessee. Ghost making people disappear but now one of the vics has turned up dead.” 

“I see,” Cas said, sounding business-like. Dean felt bad about that but it was better to keep his distance, to pretend like nothing had happened. That way Cas would forget about last night, wouldn’t go poking and prodding and find out that it meant more to Dean than it did to him and end up ruining their friendship. 

“Alright, let me get cleaned up a little,” Dean said, realizing he was fully clothed. He remembered curling up naked with Cas after...after the incident and guessed that Cas must have put his clothes back on at some point during the night. Probably hoping to erase the evidence, make sure that there was a barrier between the events of last night and the cold light of day. He was probably just hoping that Dean hadn’t read more into his request than was actually there. 

It only took Dean a few minutes to get himself together and they left the motel room, walking across the street to Dean’s car which was still in the pub’s lot. Dean realized that Cas’ tie was all crooked and hanging off him. Maybe he ought to fix Cas up a little so that Sam and Jo didn’t try to suss out what had happened. He reached out and started fixing the tie. 

“So uh...whatever happened last night that you remember, I wouldn’t go tellin’ anyone else about it,” Dean said, trying for casual. 

“Why?” Castiel cocked his head to the side, trying to understand. 

“Just...because um...whatever happens on a ‘night out’ stays between the involved parties, get it?” He said. “It’s like what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Because uh...it’s just better that way.” Castiel felt his heart break even further. 

“I see,” he said, pulling away from Dean to enter the car. Dean didn’t get why Cas was so pissy. But it was better this way, just because Cas probably wanted to tell everyone how he finally got laid didn’t mean that Dean didn’t want to protect himself from the million questions and accusations by his brother and sort-of sister. 

Castiel followed Dean into the car and sat in silence on the drive back to Bobby’s. Dean had made it clear several times over that last night wasn’t anything meaningful or special to him. That he wanted to forget it ever happened and wanted Castiel to do the same. It stung. He didn’t know how he would be able to be around Dean day in and day out now, knowing that his feelings weren’t reciprocated. 

Dean turned on the music in the car, needing the distraction. He didn’t want Cas to read his thoughts so he tried to keep his mind blank, only thinking about the case and the opportunity to eat some hot chicken when they got to Nashville. 

They pulled up and Castiel got out of the car. Just as he was getting out, he stopped, hearing a voice calling to him over ‘angel Radio’ as the Winchesters called it. 

Dean watched as Cas stopped, one hand on the door of the car. It looked like he was listening to something far away. 

“Everything OK Cas?” Dean asked as he shut the driver side door. It seemed like much more than a minute before Cas turned to face him. 

“Raphael...he’s given me some orders,” Castiel answered. 

“Screw him, you don’t have to listen to that puffed up feathery asshole,” Dean said. Castiel smiled sadly. 

“It’s a form of redemption that he’s offering,” he said. “He has no interest in the Apocalypse continuing but as I am considered a rebel in Heaven, he has tasked me with doing a little clean-up work in consideration for looking the other way on some of my more rebellious actions.” 

“I see,” Dean wasn’t pleased. Cas wasn’t a mindless soldier anymore, he shouldn’t have to follow orders. But then again, this was Cas’ family and maybe Cas wanted to eventually be able to go back without being smote on-sight. “How long will it take?” 

“I’m not sure,” Castiel admitted. Maybe some distance would help though, it would give him time to ‘get over’ his feelings for Dean and then they could resume their friendship without Castiel’s need for more getting in the way. This might just be a blessing in disguise. 

“So uh...are you going to say goodbye to Sam then?” Dean asked. 

“I...think I should go,” Castiel didn’t want to face Sam and see his kind face and feel even worse for leaving them. Sam would try to talk him out of going, would point out that Castiel was on “Team Free Will” and that he should exercise his free will and tell Raphael to ‘go to Hell’ or something like that. He just needed some space right now though, some time to himself. This clean-up mission would help him. Dean’s face fell but Castiel flew away in the blink of an eye. 

“Dammit,” Dean cursed. It was his fault. He panicked and fucked everything up! It was his fault for taking advantage of Castiel, for feeling too much...everything was his fault. He balled his hands into fists and turned, walking towards the house. 

Sam was a little pissed that Cas left without giving them much notice or warning and without saying goodbye to him, but he understood once Dean explained that in essence, Cas was basically like the black sheep trying to ‘play nice’ for a while so that family reunions wouldn’t be awkward. The metaphor was a little off but Sam got the message. 

After an argument that lasted nearly all day (and made Dean a little miffed, eager to get on the road) Ellen finally relented and let Jo come with them on the case. They headed out and Dean took first driving shift. Jo sacked out in the back and Sam fell asleep against the window. 

A few hours into the drive, Jo looked up from the book she’d been reading. “Hey, I forgot to ask. What happened last night?” 

“Nothing,” Dean lied. 

“Yeah right.” Jo didn’t believe that for a second, not with the way Cas had disappeared the moment he and Dean returned from wherever they’d been. Sam might have not asked but Jo was going to poke and prod. It’s what she did. “Tell me another story.” 

“Seriously, nothing happened,” Dean protested, gripping the steering wheel much tighter. Jo raised an eyebrow. “And if you know what’s good for you, you’ll leave it alone.” 

“Ah, so something DID happen,” Jo said. “You just don’t want to talk about it because...you’re embarrassed or freaked out or something. Did you get Castiel laid?” Dean choked on his saliva, coughing and sputtering. 

“Dean!” Jo sat up, worried about him. Dean managed to get himself under control and not hit another car on the road. 

“I’m fine,” Dean said gruffly. “Just inhaled some saliva, that’s all.” Jo knew that pushing Dean wasn’t going to get her what she wanted, so she tried another tactic. 

“Do you think that Cas would be interested if I asked him out,” she said casually. Dean scowled into the rearview mirror. 

“He’s busy,” he bit out. 

“Yeah but like when he gets back,” she said, trying for casual. “You know, he’s kind of cute for an angel.” 

“I wouldn’t know,” Dean said stiffly. 

“He’s got such nice brown eyes…” 

“His eyes are blue.” 

“Oh really?” 

“Yeah uh...I think.” 

“And he’s so tall…” 

“Pfft. I’m taller.” 

“He’s so sweet too…” 

“Not that sweet,” Dean countered. “He’s a badass angel.” 

“Just saying, he can be sweet too. And gentle. I bet…” Dean’s mind began to wander, remembering the way Cas’ large hands roamed so gently over his body last night. Despite how utterly powerful Cas was, how easily he could crush Dean with a thought, he touched Dean like he was something delicate and fascinating, something he needed to examine with careful hands and a gentle touch. 

Dammit, his mind was wandering again and he realized it after Jo sat back with a satisfied smirk on her face. 

“I knew it,” she exclaimed. 

“Careful,” Dean hissed, glancing at Sam who was still asleep. “Don’t wake up the sleeping giant.” 

“I knew it. Your eyes just got all glazed over and you had this big dumb smile on your face, Winchester,” Jo declared. “Something DID happen last night. Spill.” 

“No,” Dean said firmly. “I don’t want to talk about it.” He didn’t want to relive every humiliating detail of the encounter, to have Jo look at him in horror when she realized he had taken advantage of Castiel and see pity in her eyes when she realized he’d fucked up one of the best friendships he’s ever had. He wanted to forget about it entirely, pretend it never happened. 

“C’mon, I won’t tell Sam,” she said, a cocky little grin on her face. 

“Seriously, Jo, I will turn this car around and dump you back at Bobby’s so help me if you don’t drop it.” 

“Geez, Dean, wow. Must have been some night,” Jo whistled. “You really don’t want to talk about it?” 

“I, unlike you, don’t need to discuss my feelings to death, Harvelle,” Dean grunted. 

“I get it, I get it,” Jo said, putting her hands up in mock surrender. “Geez, unbunch your panties, Winchester,” she said. Dean was clearly flipping out about whatever had happened or not happened. Maybe something did happen and then Cas took off like a rocket this morning and that might be why Dean was so pissy. She settled back against the seat. 

“Was he at least hot?”

“Dammit, Jo!” Dean growled. She was pushing her luck here. Jo bit her lip. 

“Sorry.” 

“Are you wearing your seatbelt?” Dean asked suddenly, raising an eyebrow. 

“Yes,” she lied. Dean made a face and she stuck her tongue out right back. 

“Seatbelt,” he said simply. She made another face back at him and sat back in the seat, buckling it up. Sam woke up then and declared he needed a rest stop break and Dean was saved from further awkward conversation about his night with Castiel. 

\----

The case in Nashville took several days to work out. After that, they spent a day as tourists eating all the Southern comfort food they could cram in before taking off for another case in Biloxi. Soon, almost two weeks had passed before they heard a word from Castiel. 

He was in Chicago, cleaning up a few demon possessions that had almost overtaken a suburb there. He called Sam to check in and Dean pretended it hadn’t upset him. 

Bobby and Ellen were in the midst of negotiations regarding building a new bar and merging households. Both were so damned stubborn that it took several phone calls and Sam and Jo intervening as mediators to work through their list of requirements. They promised to come back to Bobby’s once the case in Biloxi was done though. 

“Anyone up for a burger?” Dean asked after they all had a chance to shower off the ghoul-goo. The Biloxi case had taken almost two weeks of work and he was getting sick of the motel walls. He needed to get out. 

“I’m sick of burgers,” Sam complained. “My body needs real food.” 

“Yeah well that’s your opinion,” Dean sniped. 

“Sam is right, I saw an Italian place a few blocks over. We don’t have to eat at the same greasy spoons that are all within a block radius, Dean. We can you know, eat other places.” 

“I guess!” Dean threw up his hands. He walked over to the bed and started putting his stuff in his duffle bag. “Two against one, I can’t win anymore,” he muttered. 

“You barely ever won before, Dean,” Sam teased. “Maybe you should get Cas to come back, then the odds will be even again.” Jo looked at Sam like that was the stupidest thing he’d ever said. 

“The odds will be even?” 

“You know what I mean,” Sam said, making his bitch-face. “Tell Cas when he’s done ‘playing nice’ with his family to come get his butt over here and hang out with us,” he told Dean. 

“Tell him yourself,” Dean answered, not looking at Sam. “He’s been texting you.” 

“Why are you being such a dick?” Sam asked. “Ever since Castiel texted...huh…” it was like Sam was suddenly realizing something for the first time. Dean’s eyes widened as Sam made the connections. “Something must have happened between you two that night, the night you two went out…” Sam said. 

“Nothing happened,” Dean said. “Nothing! I’m just sick of staring at the ugly-ass wallpaper in this motel. Can we please just get out of here before I pull a Charlotte Perkins Gilman and start tearing it down with my bare hands.” 

Sam glanced over at Jo who shook her head almost imperceptibly and raised an eyebrow. He nodded back slightly and turned his attention back to Dean who was vigorously stuffing his duffle. 

Sam cleared his throat. “Okay, yeah, let’s get out of here.” 

\---

Castiel finished smiting a demon from the body of a very young girl before turning to wipe his brow. He had spent the last several weeks tracking down and wiping out any trace of demon from this small town outside of Chicago. Raphael had been pleased so far that he’d agreed to ‘play nice’ and work for the Archangel’s cause. 

Just as he was about to make sure the little girl was alright, his phone went off. It was a number he did not recognize. 

“Castiel,” he answered. 

“Hello Littlest angel Who Could.” 

“Crowley,” Castiel said in sudden recognition. “What do you want?” He was angry that Crowley dared call him. 

“Nothing much my feathered friend. Just down here sorting out the business of bureaucracy that comes with ruling Hell. Need a favor, just a small one.” 

“No,” Castiel growled. “I’m not your friend and I’m not doing you any favors.” 

“You haven’t even heard it yet,” Crowley persisted. “It’s so very small. Teeny tiny really. Miniscule. Barely even a thing. You won’t even miss it.” 

“Miss what?” Castiel demanded. 

“Need a pinch of your grace and your angel blade, love,” Crowley said cheerfully. “Nothing you’ll miss. Those Winchester Boys you associate yourself with have got to have at least half a dozen other angel blade trophies in their pitiful Scooby-Doo-mobile that you can just use instead.” 

“Out of the question,” Castiel said. “I’m hanging up now.” 

“Don’t you dare,” Crowley said. “I saved your damned arse in the Apocalypse. You bloody owe me!” He shouted. 

“I owe you nothing, demon,” Castiel said angrily. “Don’t ever call me again.” 

“You bloody ungrateful arse! You will regret this, you celestial twit!” Crowley screeched as Castiel hung up the phone with a satisfying click. He turned back to his work and made certain the little girl was healed inside before gently scooping her up to bring her back to her worried parents.


	6. Chapter Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my betas enamoredhatred and Angatita once again

Dean scuffed his toe in the dirt as he and Sam waited for Jo to be done doing whatever girls do in the restroom. They were planning to hit the road and head back to Bobby’s and Dean wanted to make good time. As he leaned against the car, absentmindedly kicking up dirt he tried to calm himself down. Sam was right, he’d been in a pissy mood ever since Cas had called to check in and talked to Sam instead of him. But he needed to get over it. Cas just wasn’t interested and he was being a pathetic little puppy to think otherwise. 

BRRRING. BRRRING. 

His phone was going off. He grabbed it from his pocket and checked caller ID. 

Cas. 

It was Cas. Cas was calling him. He fumbled to answer it. 

“‘Lo,” he said gruffly. 

“Hello, Dean,” Castiel said. A shiver ran down his spine at the way Cas said his name. “We have a problem.” 

“What is it?” He asked. Damn angel. Almost 3 weeks without a word and suddenly he’s calling Dean to fix some shit he’s fucked up. Sam looked over. 

“Is that Cas?” He asked. Dean shushed him. 

“Crowley called me. Apparently he is taking over running Hell. Things must not be going well because he asked for my help. He wanted my angel blade and some of my grace.” 

Dean swore. “I hope you told him to fuck off,” he added. 

“I did but he was angry. He promised I would pay for turning him down. I do not know what he intends to do but I fear the repercussions may be catastrophic.” 

“So why are you calling me then?” Dean asked. He didn’t mean to sound so damned hurt and pissy but what did Cas want from him? “Isn’t Raphael your big ol’ pal now?” 

“If I were to go to Raphael, Crowley might take that as an act of aggression. He could see it as the first retaliatory step in a full scale war between Heaven and Hell. Because Raphael would not take kindly to a demon attempting to possess grace and an angel blade and he would send the might of Heaven down upon Crowley for presuming to ask in the first place.” 

“So basically a giant pissing contest would start up after we just stopped the last one.” 

“Crude but accurate,” Castiel agreed.

“What do you need us to do?” Sam looked up again and listened intently. 

“Nothing yet. I just wanted you to be aware in case Crowley came after the two of you for help as well. He could be trying to trick you to get to me.” 

“Right,” Dean said, cradling the phone as Jo came out of the restaurant. “Well, we’re about to head out on the road so thanks for the head’s up I guess,” he said. 

“Dean…” Castiel said. There was a hesitation in his voice. 

“What?” 

“I…” Cas’ voice trailed off and Dean thought for a moment the call got dropped. Finally, Cas spoke again. “Be safe.” 

“Will do.” Dean hung up the phone and Sam looked at him curiously. Dean took a deep breath. 

“That was Cas.” Sam made a bitch face as if to say ‘no duh’ and Dean ignored him. “I guess Crowley is trying to take over Heaven and he’s tryin’ to get Cas to help. Cas said no but Crowley got pissed so Cas called to warn us about Crowley potentially goin’ nuts in retaliation. I guess Cas is worried if he goes to the angels for help it could spark Apocalypse 2.0 or something.” 

“Is there anything we can do?” Jo wanted to know. 

“Just sit tight for now and be on guard, Cas said.” Sam nodded and they all got in the car. As they took off, the sky turned dark and rain began to fall.

Dean didn’t want to admit it to Sam or Jo but the fact that Cas had called him and warned him had made him feel strangely better. He tried not to let it mean too much. Cas just probably scrolled to the first name in his list and landed on Dean instead of Sam. But still...he couldn’t help the smile that threatened to break out on his face. He turned, glancing out the side mirror, pretending to care about traffic flow and let the grin shine on his face for a second before sobering up again. Probably didn’t mean anything at all but dammit...he could let himself think it did. 

“Hey, turn that up,” Jo sat up suddenly from the backseat. Dean hadn’t been paying attention to the radio but he turned the volume up. . 

“...Smith confirms that the earthquake was an 8.1 in magnitude. Almost all of downtown Atlanta was devastated. There are still reports coming in about the amount of destruction this earthquake caused…” 

“Holy shit,” Dean and Sam swore at the same time. Dean glanced at his brother who was grim-faced and stoic. They continued to listen to the report as they drove, hearing the radio announcer describe the details of the massive earthquake. Hundreds were confirmed dead and likely more would be discovered soon. Jo looked like she was on the verge of tears. 

“Bobby,” Dean had reached for his phone and dialed the number before he was even aware of what he was doing. 

“Ellen and I are watching the news right now, kid,” Bobby confirmed. “Thought we stopped this Apocalypse bullshit.” 

“We did,” Dean said. “But there’s fallout. angels and demons on both sides are probably pissed as hell and trying to get revenge. In fact, Cas called us a few hours ago, said Crowley needed his help taking over Hell and wouldn’t take no for an answer. Fuck, this is probably Crowley’s doing. He was pissed Cas wouldn’t be his lapdog and warned him he would regret it. Crowley’s probably showing us what he can do if we don’t cooperate.” 

“Damn,” Bobby swore into the phone loudly. “If it ain’t one devil, it’s another.” Dean privately agreed. It seemed like there really was no resolution on the angel and demon crap they got piled onto them. 

“Do you want us to go check it out?” Dean asked tentatively. Bobby started to speak but then his voice got muffled. It sounded like he was talking to Ellen with his hand over the phone. 

“Okay, yeah, Ellen wants in. She says something this big, she don’t want you three down there by yourselves. So yeah, head down to Atlanta but we’re comin’ with and she don’t want to hear an argument or ‘so help me I’ll put you boys over my knee myself’ and that’s a direct quote,” Bobby said. Dean didn’t doubt Ellen would do just that so he agreed and said they would meet them in Atlanta by the next evening. 

After he hung up, he relayed the information to Sam and Jo. 

“Someone should call Cas,” Jo pointed out. Dean realized she was right and glanced at Sam. 

“What?” Sam said, surprised. 

“Well I’m driving,” Dean pointed out. 

“You literally just talked to Bobby,” Sam shot back. 

“Rock paper scissors,” Dean said. Two rounds later and Dean was glaring at Sam while pulling his phone out and calling Cas. 

“Hello, Dean,” Castiel answered. The wind whipped his trench coat around him as he walked. 

“Did you hear anything on uh...angel radio about the news in Atlanta?” Dean asked. 

“Yes, I am there now to check out the damage for myself,” Castiel confirmed. Dean asked how bad it was. “Most of the tall buildings are either completely leveled or nearly gone,” he said. “There’s much destruction. Raphael asked me to come and he’s sending a few angels as back-up.” 

“Don’t put up with any bullcrap from them,” Dean said. Castiel smiled to hear Dean being defensive for him. “I mean it, they start in with you, just leave.” 

“I will be fine, Dean. Raphael might be unhappy with me but he is not about to alienate a ‘rogue angel’ and risk me getting further out of his control.” Dean made a noise of frustration.

“Okay,” he finally said after a few moments of silence. “Sam and Jo and I are headed down there as well. Bobby and Ellen will be there tomorrow.” Castiel promised to meet them at a nearby bridge when they arrived and they both hung up. 

Dean started to feel fatigued from all the driving as of late. They’d worked back to back cases and now just as they were about to take a break, a different kind of case reared its head. He yawned and tried to shake it off. 

“You need me to drive?” Sam asked. 

“Nah, I’m good,” Dean lied. He yawned again and shook his head violently to clear it. 

“Seriously, you look like you need a break, let me take over.” Sam insisted. Dean tried to protest but he had to admit that a brief nap might help. 

“Just like, an hour,” Dean promised as they swapped places. He curled up in the seat, leaning his head on the window. Rain drove down around them and soon Dean was asleep.

Dean shifted, unintelligible conversation flowing around him. It pricked at the edge of his consciousness, threatening to invade and make him wake up. He was tired though, and tried to settle down. 

“Dean…” He blinked, eyes flying open. He was sitting on the edge of the dock once again at his favorite lake. The scene was peaceful, picturesque practically but something made him uneasy. 

“Dean,” he realized someone was talking to him. He turned and his eyes widened in surprise. 

“Cas…” He must be dreaming. Cas looked at the lake with a contemplative look on his face. 

“Dean, I need to tell you something,” Castiel said, licking his lips. “It’s a matter of urgency. Crowley has captured me. Before the other angels arrived, he sent a group of demons to hunt me down. He intends to force me to help him. I’m at this address,” he handed Dean a piece of paper. 

“Shit,” Dean swore. “We’ll get you, Cas, hang in there. Are you alright?” 

“He hasn’t yet started anything but I believe it will happen soon.” 

“Cas, we’re coming for you, just sit tight.” 

“This connection is dangerous. I cannot stay. Wake up now, Dean,” Cas said and suddenly Dean was sitting up and gasping for breath. 

“Dean?” Sam almost swerved into the median. “What’s going on?” 

“Cas, he’s in trouble,” Dean said. “He came to me in my dream and said that Crowley’s Demons captured him. He’s…” He realized he didn’t have the piece of paper in his hand. “Dammit, he gave me a piece of paper and…” Dean realized there was a crinkling noise against his chest as he shifted and looked down. “Here, he’s at this address,” he opened it and showed it to Sam. 

“Put it in the GPS on your phone,” Sam instructed. “We’re almost there, maybe 15 minutes outside the city…” Just as he said that, what should have been the Atlanta skyline appeared in their view. At least, what was left of the skyline. Most of the buildings were destroyed and only heaps of rubble remained. 

“Shit,” Jo swore. Dean echoed her statement as he typed the address into his phone’s map locator. 

“It looks like it’s just outside the city, probably well enough away from the epicenter of the earthquake that Crowley wouldn’t himself be hit.” 

“Probably,” Sam agreed. “What’s the plan then?” 

“Jo, you’re not coming in,” Dean said, twisting to look at her. 

“LIke hell!” She protested. 

“Your mom would murder us,” Dean said. “Besides, someone has to drive the getaway car. Sam and I might need to carry Cas out and there needs to be someone to drive like hell to get us out of there.” Jo grumbled and fussed but ultimately agreed to wait in the car while they stormed Crowley’s HQ. 

They had to take an exit a few miles down from where they wanted to end up because the interstate was so backed up with panicked drivers. 

“What’s the plan?” Dean asked Sam as they wound through side streets. 

“Guns blazing?” Sam asked.”We still have the colt and the knife…” 

“I don’t know,” Dean said, thinking. “If we storm the gates, we risk Crowley getting to Cas and killing him before we can get to him ourselves. I want to minimize the fallout for Cas” Sam thought about that before agreeing. 

“So here’s an idea,” Sam said. “We sneak in, paint a demon trap on the floor and lure Crowley into the middle. If we can get him in the demon trap, we can take out his other guys no problem and get to Cas.” 

“That might work,” Dean said. “But Crowley is smart, how are we going to get in and do that without tipping him off?” 

They debated plans for another ten minutes as they finally made their way to Crowley’s HQ. The ornate, Southern mansion was nestled in the heart of a historical district. It was both ostentatious and unassuming, somehow. Perfect for Crowley, Dean thought. 

“Okay, wait here,” Dean said to Jo as they parked the car across the street and a few houses down. “Wait fifteen minutes. If we don’t come out after fifteen, get your ass down to the rendezvous point and don’t look back.” 

“I get it,” Jo said. “Not happy about it but I get it.” Dean and Sam started arming themselves with weapons, Sam taking the knife and Dean grabbing the Colt. They tucked as many weapons on their persons as possible before slinking into the shadows to creep their way into the mansion. 

Dean made a motion and Sam went left, checking the perimeter and Dean went right. They managed to sneak up on and silence half a dozen demons who were on guard before they found an opening in the security. 

“There,” Sam pointed out a door on the side the lead out into a small veranda. “There’s no one in that room,” he checked it out. “We can go in and take them by surprise.” 

“Alright, count of three,” Dean said, glancing around with his gun out for any more demons who might be lurking in the shadows. He counted to three as Sam rushed across the lawn to the door and tested the lock. Dean waited a beat and rushed across as well, trying to stay out of the glow of the streetlight. 

Sam was jimmying the lock as Dean looked over his shoulder. The moonlight cast weak light for Sam to work by and Dean shifted around behind him, in a hurry to get in and get out as fast as possible. Finally the lock popped and they slowly eased the door open. 

Sam was right that the room they entered was empty. No one lurked around waiting to slit their throats which Dean counted as a win. A part of him was starting to feel uneasy with how simple things had been so far, how quickly they’d managed to get in without any major hiccups. He blamed nerves but something still prickled at the back of his neck. 

They heard footsteps and readied themselves to fight. 

Crowley stepped out of the shadows and stood in the weak moonlight. 

“Hello, boys,” He smirked. 

“Crowley,” Sam spat. 

“Moose. Squirrel,” he acknowledged. Two demons came up behind them and grabbed them. Dean felt the tall demon behind him grabbing harder than was strictly necessary and he struggled hard, trying to get out of the powerful grip. 

“Did you really think you could get into my mansion and I wouldn’t know about it?” Crowley said, a mocking smirk on his face. “Newsflash, I know EVERYTHING that happens around here.” 

“Give us the angel and no one gets hurt,” Dean said, trying to seem threatening even in the midst of being held captive by a demon. 

“You’re not in the position to be making threats,” Crowley said primly. He held up his hand and Dean’s grip flew open and the Colt flew out of his hand and into Crowley’s, who pointed it directly at them. 

“You fell right into my trap,” He said with a pleased look. “Had I known it would have been so easy to get the Scooby Gang under my control I would have done this sooner.” 

“Dammit!” Dean swore. 

“What trap?” Sam asked, incensed. 

“Never you mind pumpkin,’ Crowley pulled out a phone and held it up to his ear. 

“Hello, Castiel,” he said. Dean felt ashamed. Of course Crowley didn’t have Castiel. He should have realized Crowley was going to try to set up a trap for them. 

“Crowley,” Castiel growled. “What do you want.” 

“You turned down my first offer,” Crowley said. “Now to make things more interesting. I have your squishy human pets here and unless you agree to help me, I’ll shoot them one at a time with their own gun. AND I’m going to start with the shorter one that you seem so fond of.” 

“Crowley!” Castiel yelled. “Don’t you dare!” 

“Don’t do it, Cas!” Dean yelled. “Don’t do it! Who knows what Crowley can do if you give in!” 

“Shut up, Squirrel,” Crowley said, annoyed. He cocked the gun, pulling the hammer down. “You have three seconds to decide,” he said. “Three...two…” 

“WAIT!” Castiel said, panic rising in his chest. “Just wait.” 

Crowley smirked but didn’t lower the gun. “I’m listening, sweetheart,” he said in a faux-gentle voice. 

“I’ll do it,” Castiel said, the thought of losing Dean making his very wings ache. “What do you want?’ 

“Excellent,” Crowley replied. “Meet me in one hour. I’ll text you the address,” he said. Castiel let out an uncharacteristic swear and the call ended. 

Dean felt sick, felt angry that Castiel would so carelessly work with Crowley just to save them. They weren’t worth that sacrifice, weren’t worth whatever the consequences of that partnership would surely be.


	7. Chapter Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my betas enamoredhatred and Angatita once again.

Exactly one hour later, the Winchesters were being unceremoniously dumped outside an abandoned parking lot The demons dumping them took off and they stood up, brushing off the gravel and dirt. 

“Well, we’re screwed,” Dean said angrily. 

“Maybe,” Sam said. 

“How are we not screwed?” Dean asked. 

“Crowley has Cas but we have Bobby, Ellen and Jo,” Sam said, running a hand through his hair. “And we’re a good team. We made it out of Carthage alive,” he pointed out. “Even if we didn’t ice the Devil back then, we made it out.” Dean agreed. They used Sam’s phone to map the way to their rendezvous point and gave Jo a call to let them know they were still alive before starting their trek across town. 

Bobby had gone to get some supplies at a nearby camping store and Ellen drove up to meet them with Jo. 

“It was a set-up,” Sam said as they approached Ellen’s car. She shook her head. 

“Dammit I could have told you boys that,” Ellen said. “Crowley wanted that angel to help him and he warned Castiel that he would retaliate for being turned down. The King of the Crossroads doesn’t do anything without thinking it carefully through and he’s not only got plans he’s got plans on top of plans. At least you two are safe. Jo parked the Impala at the cabin we’re squatting in. Bobby and I decided that staying under the demon radar was our best bet in terms of gaining the upper hand. Let them think we’re licking our wounds.” 

Sam agreed but Dean wanted to go back with everyone in tow and blast their way in and get Castiel. Ellen shook her head. 

“You may want to protect the angel but all you’ll do is get a pissed off battalion of demons on our tail. If we’re dead we ain’t no help to Castiel,” she said firmly. Dean was vaguely annoyed, he’d been hunting since he and Sam were kids and they could take care of themselves but Ellen was acting like a concerned parent, telling them what to do. 

“If we had a chance, a shot at saving Cas I say we take it and we blow our way in!” Dean argued. 

“And I say no, boy. So don’t argue with me any further and I won’t have cause to take you down myself,” Ellen warned. She had a dangerous look in her eyes, like a mother bear protecting her cub. Dean had a feeling she saw him as a cub needing protection. 

“Dammit, Ellen,” He protested. 

“No you listen up kid, you may be an adult and I may not be your mom but what you’re proposing is dangerous and stupid and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let you go off half-cocked and get yourself killed,” Ellen said, crossing her arms. Dean was pissed but he realized that the best way to go about saving Cas was to go in with a solid plan and plenty of backup. 

“Fine, so what now?” 

“Now we head back to the cabin and hunker down for the night, Bobby comes back with some supplies and we form a plan, a real plan that doesn’t involve going in guns blazing and getting ourselves killed at the first chance.” 

They headed out onto the outskirts of town, further out than they were at Crowley’s. They ended up at a cabin on a property that was far back from the main road, isolated by a large swath of land. 

Bobby came back and they bunked down for the night, discussing attack plans around the fireplace. Dean was still for an offensive strike while Bobby, Ellen and Sam were more for a defensive position of attack. At one point, the debate got so heated that Ellen sent Dean outside to cool down under threat of leaving him behind tomorrow on the hunt. 

Dean burst out onto the front porch, jamming his hands into his pockets. He muttered to himself and banged his hand against the drain-pipe, growling and getting more frustrated. 

“Dean,” Jo said sharply, coming out behind him. 

“Tell Ellen I don’t need a friggin’ babysitter,” he said harshly. 

“Mom didn’t send me,” Jo said. “You’re acting CRAZY, Dean, you’re the last person to suggest a suicide mission. What the hell is going on with you?” Jo demanded. 

“Nothing!” Dean yelled. “Dammit, drop it, Jo!” 

“NO!” Jo shouted right back. “I will NOT drop it, Dean Winchester! You’re acting like a lunatic and putting everyone’s lives in danger with your attitude so why don’t you drop the tough-guy act and tell me what’s going on? What the hell happened that night that made you go off the friggin’ rails? And so help me if you say “Nothing” one more time I’ll shoot you.” 

“You’re not gonna shoot me,” Dean mumbled. The evening breeze whipped around him, making him wish he hadn’t left his jacket inside. He was cold and had a feeling Jo wouldn’t let him inside until they talked. He sighed and stood on the porch, leaning against a wooden post.

“Fine,” he sighed again. “You win.” He couldn’t see Jo which made this easier. “That night uh...Cas...I was like, incredibly drunk, OK?” He interjected. He looked out to the woods just beyond the lawn. “Cas asked me if I would...if I could be his first time.” He turned and glared at Jo. “It’s your fault for putting ideas in his head. He said that you told him he should spend his first time with someone he trusts and shit. I guess that meant me. Anyway, I was like...really drunk and I agreed.” He expected Jo to crow about how she was right and launch into an attack on him for being an asshole but she didn’t say anything. She was quiet for several minutes. 

“Are you alright?” She asked finally. “Do you feel OK with the decision?” Dean was surprised. 

“What? Uh...you’re not mad at me?” 

“No. I’m annoyed it took you so long to talk about it but that’s just you being you. Who I’m mad at is Castiel. You were drunk and he pressed you. He probably didn’t understand the implications of pressuring a drunken friend but that’s not cool. Are you okay?” 

“Oh,” Dean was so shocked at her statement that he didn’t know what to say. Jo thought he’d been...thought Castiel had pressured him…”Well, it wasn’t exactly like that.” Jo quirked an eyebrow but waited for him to continue. “I...wanted it, Jo. I mean, I might have had to get drunk to admit it but uh...I wanted to do it. Cas...I...think...I...might…” He couldn’t do it, couldn’t admit it. 

“I get it,” Jo said, relieving him from the pressure of having to open up about this. “Why are you so messed up though, isn’t that a good thing? Cas and you…” 

“There is no Cas and me,” Dean interjected. “Dude took off first chance he got after it happened. He probably regrets everything. He probably saw it as a one time thing and he’s afraid there’s gonna be so much awkwardness now that it happened.” 

“Did you like...talk to him about this?” Jo asked. It seemed so simple when she put it that way but he didn’t know if he had it in him. The thought of actually speaking to Cas about everything that happened and having to relive everything, what if Cas rejected him? What if the friendship couldn’t survive? He would just die; then he’d really have to see the pity on Jo’s face. 

“I can’t,” Dean said, knowing that sounded weak even to himself. 

“If you don’t speak to him then you’re risking your friendship with him,” Jo pointed out. Dean felt like he risked his friendship more if he said anything. “But it’s up to you what you want to do,” Jo added. “You’re a grown man, I can’t tell you to talk to Cas or force you to do it but I can tell you I’m worried about you and I hope you take my advice,” she said. 

“When did you get to be so wise?” Dean grumbled. 

“I’ve always been wise,” Jo smirked. “Come on, we need to get some rest before taking on the King of the Crossroads tomorrow,” she added. Dean followed her back inside. 

\---

Castiel stood under the bridge, squinting as the evening sun slowly faded from the horizon. Crowley had told him to meet him here. 

“Hello, Feathers,” Crowley’s voice drawled as he sauntered up to Castiel. “I’m so glad you had a change of heart and agreed to meet with me.” Castiel licked his lips, pissed as hell, but trying to maintain composure. 

“I’m here,” Castiel said. “What do you want?” 

“You may have noticed the devastation that was rained down upon this fair city?” Crowley said. 

“I am aware,” Castiel replied curtly. 

“That wasn’t me,” Crowley said. “Much as it pains me to admit, it wasn’t my doing. That was the work of the demon, Baal. He’s got his eye on the Throne to Hell as well, and well, he’s not backing down. This was a display for me, to show me what he could do if I didn’t relinquish my claim.” 

“How is this my problem?” Castiel asked, expression blank. 

“Because you bloody idiot! Imagine that devastation ten times worse if Baal isn’t stopped,” Crowley gesticulated wildly.

“Why should we care who rules Hell?” Castiel asked. “If I speak to Raphael, he’ll send a team of angels to smite you both and then it won’t even matter.” 

“Sure, of course,” Crowley said as if that were perfectly reasonable. “So then you leave hell in a state of chaos, disorder. Demons running rampant with no one to answer to. Deals being struck left and right that are broken because no one enforces them. And sure, your precious Raphael can try to subdue the demons, spend time, energy and waste lives trying to get things under control. But you see, in the end, it would be more effective to leave the lesser of two devils in charge, wouldn’t it? By supporting me for my bid on the throne, you’ve ensured you have a demon who respects order and reason, who keeps all his contracts tightly enforced and who rules Hell with an efficient and iron fist.” 

Castiel had to admit that all sounded reasonable but he would never say so to Crowley. “What is my part in this?” He demanded. 

“My plan is to summon Baal, trap him and use your grace to weaken him, and strip him of his strongest powers. Once he is trapped and helpless, I can use the angel blade as a threat against him. He’s one of the Greater Demons of Hell, created by Lucifer himself so I am ineffective against him. The only thing that would take him out is your angel blade. But it must be wielded by a Dark Prince,” Crowley said. “Which is me.” 

“I see,” Castiel thought this plan was completely ludicrous. “How are you going to ensure he stays trapped long enough to use my grace. And why should I trust that you will let me go once you have what you need?” 

“Because, you stupid angel, I’m Crowley.” As if that explained things. “I’m not about to go pissing off the Winchesters by keeping you captive any longer than necessary. If I tried, they would be after me in a bloody minute.” Castiel didn’t want to help Crowley but he was alone and had a feeling that Crowley had demons scattered around waiting to pounce the minute Castiel made a move on their boss. 

“Do we have a deal?” Crowley asked, holding his hands out in a gesture of good-will. Castiel pursed his lips, trying to stall for time. 

“No,” he said. “I will think about it.” He tried to move past Crowley, to walk away. 

“Nice try,” Crowley stepped in front of him. “Demons…” 

There were over a dozen, too many for Castiel to try to take on alone. He had been right that Crowley brought back-up with him. Castiel licked his lips and considered fighting but he did not want further harm to come to the Winchesters should he lose. If he ticked off Crowley, the next move would be going after the Winchesters again. 

“Alright,” Castiel said finally. Crowley held up a hand and the gathered demons backed off slightly. A car pulled up just then and Crowley motioned for Castiel to follow. Castiel frowned but followed suit. 

\---  
“Okay, everyone ready?” Ellen asked, pulling on her bag as Jo slipped her arms into the straps of a backpack. 

“Ready,” Sam said, cocking the sawed-off he was carrying. Dean held up Ruby’s knife. 

“Ready,” he echoed. 

“Let’s head out,” Ellen said. They had parked two blocks down from Crowley’s mansion and were setting off on foot for the last bit. They were going to pretend to be on a raiding mission but really they were all equipped with walkie-talkies to relay info to Bobby so he could make a map of the layout for them. Then they would come back and rescue Castiel when they knew what they were up against. 

They set off, walking down the abandoned streets towards their destination. After the explosive earthquakes, the city had been all but abandoned, people living in fear it could happen again and soon. They had seen swarms of National Guard earlier so they waited until almost dusk to set out, not wanting to run into any local LEOs or servicemen. 

The only sounds right now were the quiet chirping of birds and the crunch of leaves under foot as they walked silently down the street. Dean and Sam peeled off once they approached the mansion, going left while Jo and Ellen went right. 

They stayed low, scoping the place out. Every so often one of them would speak quietly into the walkie-talkie clipped to their shoulder, relaying info to Bobby who was back at the car. 

“Three on guard near the left outer perimeter,” Dean spoke into his walkie. “There’s a garden circling this side, two tall trees flanking a stone birdbath and a low brick wall encases a flower bed just beyond.” 

“Roger that,” Bobby’s voice came back, just as low with some static. 

“There’s a gate beyond the garden for car access, maybe a service entrance,” Sam said, a few feet in front of Dean. 

They were staying well out of the way of any demons attention, no one should have seen them. It was getting dark and they were staying hidden in the shadows. 

Suddenly, Dean saw one demon turn to another and say something. Then they both turned, facing his direction and pointed. 

“Shit,” he whispered. He froze, waiting. They took a step forward and Dean turned to Sam. 

“RUN!” He yelled, sprinting for the edge of the property, closest to the service gate. 

“What’s going on?” Bobby’s voice came over the walkie. “Dean! Sam!” 

“They’ve seen us,” Dean yelled into his walkie as he ran. “Somehow, they knew we were here!” 

“Dammit!” Ellen’s voice squawked over the walkie. “We’ve been spotted!” 

“Run, Ellen!” Dean shouted into his walkie. He and Sam barely made it out the service gate before it was closed practically on top of them. They kept sprinting down the street, Jo and Ellen hot on their tails as they both hopped the closed fence, firing salt bullets at the demons that were chasing them. 

They didn’t stop running until they were several streets over, bursting for air and practically clawing at the car to get inside. Bobby unlocked the doors and they all crawled in, panting and out of breath as he sped off. 

“Dammit, how did they know?” Bobby asked, both hands on the wheel as he drove like a maniac. 

“They had to have been tipped off somehow,” Dean said. “It was like they were expecting us.” 

The drive back to the cabin was short, as Bobby was speeding like a bat out of hell the entire way. 

“Dammit,” Ellen said as they exited the car. “We only got about half the property before we had to leave.” 

“Better than we were expecting,” Sam said. “They could have ambushed us straight off. But we did get a map of most of the layout of the outside.” 

“Yeah,” Bobby held it out. “There’s at least two unsecured areas we can use to our advantage later.” Dean hoped Crowley might somehow not find out about their recon mission.


	8. Chapter Eight

Castiel sat in one of the basement rooms tied to a chair. He felt the whole thing highly unnecessary, but Crowley had rather insisted. Crowley had also taken the liberty of confiscating Castiel’s phone and had warded the room with sigils to prevent him communicating with other angels. 

He was taking no chances, clearly, in the thought that Castiel might try to escape or otherwise renege on his agreement to the deal. Fortunately he’d been spared having to ‘seal the deal’ in the usual Crowley manner simply by giving the demon a look upon the suggestion that indicated it would be ‘over his dead body’ to attempt doing so. 

Castiel struggled a little against the bonds but they were warded with further sigils to prevent him using his ‘mojo’ to escape. 

“I hope this is worth the pain I will inflict upon you when I am released,” Castiel said to himself. And Heaven help Crowley if he decided to go up against the Winchesters for ANY reason once he had been freed of their deal. 

“I KNEW your ruddy idiot boyfriend and his Moose sidekick would do this, I warned them!” Castiel could hear Crowley shouting from all the way down the hall. He could hear the heavy footsteps as Crowley approached. The door slammed open suddenly and Crowley stood in the doorway, wearing a scowl and holding Castiel’s angel blade, which he had been forced to surrender upon entering Crowley’s domain. 

“I warned you,” Crowley growled. “We could have done this so very easily, Little Nell,” Castiel didn’t understand the nickname. “You and I could have done this deal with no loss of blood on either side. But no, your stupid PETS had to go and ruin it! They think they can storm the castle, --MY CASTLE--and swoop in and save you after we already agreed to the terms!” He was seething and Castiel wondered what was about to happen. 

“No worries,” Crowley said, getting himself together and taking a deep breath. “I intend to take my frustrations out in a healthy manner,” he added, holding the blade up so Castiel could see it. He struggled against the restraints but there was no getting out...he eyed Crowley who stepped closer and closer, blade flashing in the light of the torches along the walls. 

\---

Jo sat with her knees drawn to her chest as she thought over the events of the day. Crowley had known, somehow, about their plans because they had barely managed to start and his goons were immediately on their trail. 

“You okay?” Ellen asked, coming upon her daughter. Jo looked up, trying to put into words the fear and frustration that had been filling her mind since they got back. 

“No,” she finally admitted. “Ever since Carthage...we almost died there because of Crowley,” she said fiercely. “That jerk-off deserves...he deserves to get his head blown off,” she seethed. 

“I know but we can’t…” Ellen said and then paused. She cocked her head to the side, glancing at Sam and Dean who were both drinking a beer and arguing about plans for getting Castiel back. 

“Bobby, let me see that map,” Ellen said, standing upright. Bobby handed her the map and she glanced over it. 

“Guys…” she said as she read the map over. “I have an idea.” The Winchesters looked up and Bobby stood, arms crossed and waited for her to finish. 

“There’s two vulnerable spots, here and here,” Ellen pointed them out. “And there’s a potential third one right here,” she added, pointing to the right top perimeter. “When we were in Carthage, Jo and I almost died. We thought we were gone. But Castiel showed up at the last second and saved us. We owe him. And Jo reminded me of that and it got me thinking...remember how we took out the Hellhounds? What if we do the same to Crowley’s mansion? What if we covered the entire perimeter and trap all the demons there and then blow it up?” 

“What about Cas?” Dean asked, trying not to sound too anxious. 

“Cas is an angel,” Jo said. “He’ll be protected from the blast. Once it’s over, we can go in and find him.” 

“I don’t like it,” Dean protested, crossing his arms. 

“Look kid,” Ellen said. “It’s what we’ve got right now. We sure as heck ain’t gonna ambush Crowley and his goons, we could try to fight our way in, all of us but you know as well as I do that it’d be a suicide mission,” she said. “We can’t get to the angel unless we take out as many as we can first and the only way to do that is to set off a big explosion that takes out the demons for us.” 

“So what, do we use rock salt or what are we doing to explode this place?” Sam asked. 

“There’s a hardware store about a mile up the road from this place,” Bobby said suddenly. “I noticed it yesterday as we drove by. Maybe propane tanks, we wire those up like we did in Carthage.” 

“Yeah, like Carthage,” Ellen said. “We set off a chain of explosives at these weak points. Throw some molotov cocktails in the mix and we can set the whole house alight if we do it right.” 

They spent the rest of the evening planning it out and then finally, when they had everything sorted, went on a trip to the hardware store to pick up supplies. 

“Here, tons of propane tanks,” Dean said as they began to gather supplies into buckets. “Iron nails too, and we can pour salt at the bottom of the buckets.” 

Sam pulled bottle after bottle from the shelves while Jo gathered nails. Bobby and Ellen wired up the explosives and poured their own molotov cocktails that were filled with salt, motor oil and gunpowder. They were going to toss the bottles through the window of Crowley’s mansion before setting off their chain of explosives. Once the explosion had rocked the foundation, they could then get in and get to Castiel. 

Dean was frantic at this point. Castiel had risked his very existence once again, to save him and Sam and he wanted to do his part by getting the angel the fuck out of Crowley’s grasp. 

“You okay?” Sam asked, glancing at Dean who was working at a feverish pitch, running around and making sure everything was in order. 

“Fine, just want to get Cas out of there,” Dean said through gritted teeth. 

“I know, me too, man,” Sam said. “Look, I know that like, because of who we are that this stuff sort of follows us around. But uh...what do you say to the idea of finding a house once this blows over and settling down a bit? Maybe taking less cases and focusing more on research and stuff? Cas too, because we owe him for all the stuff he’s done for us. And I want him around.” Dean looked up from wiring together a set of propane tanks. 

“Really?” He asked, trying not to seem overeager. “Because uh, yeah, that would...that would be cool, yeah I could do that,” he said, going for casual which he ruined by shocking himself. “Ow!” Sam smirked. 

“Okay great, good then,” Sam said, trying to hide his grin from his brother who glared at him. They got back to work and Dean found himself wondering if Sam would mind if he wanted more of a thing with Cas than just friendship...maybe Sam wouldn’t care after all.  
\---  
Crowley smirked as he stood up, wiping the angel blade of the blood he’d gotten on it. “I feel much better now,” he said as Castiel glared at him, chest heaving and blood dripping from the small wounds scattered across his arms and thighs and stomach. 

“You will pay for this!” Castiel growled. 

“Sir?” A dark haired demon wearing a three-piece suit appeared at the door, frightened and nervous to approach Crowley. “Mr. Crowley, sir?” Crowley turned around. 

“What?” He asked, voice harsh. The demon glanced at Castiel. 

“I have information you may want to hear about,” he said. “But maybe we should speak in the hallway?” Crowley let out a grunt of frustration and sighed. 

“Alright,” he followed the demon outside. The door didn’t close all the way but Castiel could only hear muffled talking. Probably the sigils on the walls interfered with his ability to hear them speak. 

Suddenly, like a static-y radio getting a brief signal, Castiel could hear a voice in his head. 

Castiel, Castiel! It called out. 

Who is this?

It’s Rachel. 

One of Castiel’s sister angels. She had been his second-in-command for many years. He glanced at the door. Crowley was still talking on the other side of it, he could hear brief snatches when Crowley raised his voice but nothing that was useful. 

Where are you Castiel?

Trapped in the Demon Crowley’s lair. 

How…

It is not of import. Can you free me? 

There is much interference, I can barely speak to you. Describe your situation. 

I am bound to a chair with anti-escape sigils. The room is in a basement, painted in several warding sigils. There is one on the door that prevents me from leaving the room and the rest on the walls prevent angels from entering.  
Wait for a moment. Rachel stopped speaking and Castiel wondered what she could do. 

Suddenly, a bright flash of light nearly blinded Castiel. When he could see again, the cuffs on the chair had been torn apart and the door had a crack in it. Crowley must not have noticed because he couldn’t hear the demon saying anything. 

In fact, he couldn’t hear anything going on. 

He freed himself from the chair, approaching the door cautiously. When he didn’t hear any voices outside, he peeked around it. It was too quiet and he walked out the door. 

\---  
Dean and Sam took the lead, going low to the ground as they hit the property line and running full tilt across the lawn where the weak spots were. Bobby was behind them with Ellen, heading for the second spot. Jo was by herself for the third one. They worked as fast as possible, wiring everything up and getting the explosives laid out. 

“Okay, we’re all set here,” Dean whispered into the walkie-talkie. Ellen called back with an affirmative on her end. 

\---  
Castiel walked down the hallway. The entire place was eerily quiet. Crowley must have had some information because he was gone, every demon that had been here was gone. He glanced out the window. He could see Dean, Sam and Jo from his vantage point. They looked like they were laying out some kind of explosives. He turned, walking towards the exit as fast as possible, knowing teleport would be useless with the sigils painted everywhere. 

He slowed, hearing glass shatter from every direction through the house…

\---  
“Count of three!” Dean called into the walkie. “One...two...three!” They all launched the grenades into the windows as hard as possible, shattering them on impact. 

The grenades burst on impact. “Now!” Dean yelled, turning with Sam to start sprinting away from the property. They managed to get as far as across the street before their homemade explosives were detonated. 

Dean ducked, bracing for the impact. The explosion was fierce, sending him and Sam nearly tumbling to their feet. A huge plume of fire rose from the house. 

That wasn’t supposed to happen! 

It was only supposed to explode, not set fire to the house! Dean glanced back at the flames, covering his face to see the house go up like a dry piece of straw. 

Sam and Dean looked on in horror as the house was almost instantly consumed by flames. They glanced at each other, one thing clearly on both minds. 

Cas. 

He was trapped in the house as a fireball engulfed it. Ellen and Jo were safely a few feet down the street with Bobby covering them both as the fire spread fast and another explosion rocked the house from its very foundation. 

Dean, breathing hard from running, stared as the flames rose higher. Cas. Cas was trapped inside. Fuck! No dammit! 

Cas! Please! He didn’t even think about the fact that he was praying, it just started coming from somewhere deep within. 

Cas, dammit! You can’t die! Not now! Not before I had a chance to tell you I’m sorry. Not before I could explain why I was such a dick to you. I’m a worthless piece of junk and I hurt you and all I want right now is to tell you that I’m sorry and please don’t go. Cas if you come back to me I swear I’ll be so good for you. 

Dean choked on the sob that was rising in his throat. Any chance of going after Cas was lost the minute the fire started. They couldn’t get into the house now. The fire had engulfed the entire property at this point. 

\---  
As Cas stared at the fire in front of him, he wondered if there was any way to make it out. Flight was out of the question if the sigils were still up. He was trapped. 

I’m sorry, I’m sorry! Please Cas, don’t do this to me. We need you. I need you! Cas...I’m in love with you.  
\---  
Dean didn’t know if his prayer would work, if Castiel could even hear them. He didn’t know anything but the fierce need inside him. 

The building and property burned and burned and the five of them watched in abject horror, their mission having failed. 

Dean clenched his fists, tears in his eyes. They lost. Castiel was gone to them. He turned away from the sight in front of him. 

“Hello Dean.” 

Dean looked up, staring in wonder. 

“Cas?” Castiel strode away from the flames, seemingly unhurt. “But...how?” 

“I heard your prayer, Dean,” Castiel said, not looking at anyone else. He advanced on Dean and Dean found himself backing up a little, not sure what Cas was going to do to him. Cas stood directly in front of Dean, as imposing as the first time he’d ever laid eyes on the angel. Castiel reached out and Dean flinched, unsure what was going to happen. 

He pulled Dean to him and kissed him soundly on the mouth. Dean felt a million emotions try to rip out of his chest at once. Relief and joy followed by the realization that Cas was kissing him in front of the others and he didn’t even care followed by another round of relief. 

Castiel pulled away, cradling Dean’s face in his hands. “I heard your prayer. And I knew I needed to get to you. I waited until the walls were burning before attempting to fly out. The sigils were damaged enough for me to escape. 

“Holy shit, Cas!” Sam said as soon as the two of them broke apart. “Dean?” 

Dean knew there was time for conversation later. But right now they needed to get the hell away before the fire spread. 

“Cas can you contain the fire and get us out of here?” Castiel nodded and in a split second, they were all back at the cabin.

“Hot damn, I can’t believe we did it,” Bobby said. Castiel turned away from Dean to face Bobby and Ellen. 

“Crowley and his men escaped,” Castiel said. “They must have known about the plans somehow because they were gone before the first blast.” 

“Dammit,” Dean said. “All that work, for nothing!” 

“How was Crowley able to find that out?” Sam asked. 

“I don’t know,” Castiel said. Jo looked up. 

“He knew about the recon mission too,” Jo said. “I swear, he somehow knew…” 

“How?” Bobby demanded. “Unless he’s got us bugged I don’t see how…” 

“Wait,” Dean said. “Back when we were at Crowley’s...is it possible he bugged us somehow and we didn’t notice?” 

“That would be just like Crowley,” Castiel agreed, sticking close to Dean’s side. “He lured you in, used you to get to me...it wouldn’t be out of the realm of possibility that he would also plant some kind of way to listen to you after letting you go.” 

“Let’s find out,” Dean said as they started searching the entire cabin. It didn’t take long for them to find a hex bag planted into Dean’s jacket. They destroyed it immediately. 

“We can go after Crowley tomorrow,” Dean said. “But uh, can I talk to you outside, Cas?” The others busied themselves with tasks around the cabin. 

Castiel followed Dean outside, onto the porch. 

“Are you alright?” He asked Dean. Dean leaned against the porch post. 

“Are you okay?” Dean asked him. 

“Physically I am fine,” Castiel said. “Any damage inflicted by Crowley was able to be healed once I was beyond his sigils and wards.” Dean winced at the idea of damage that Cas had to endure. “But I was afraid I would perish without seeing you again,” he admitted. 

“Me too,” Dean said. Cas moved in front of him again and pulled him in for a hug. Dean let himself be folded into the angel’s embrace, letting Cas hug him tightly. It felt so damned good. 

“Dean, everything you said...I need to tell you. It was not you, it was me who was a fool. I did not express myself to you, I let you think that you were nothing more than a means to an end. But you are so much more than that to me,” he said firmly. 

“Really?”: Dean asked. 

“How could you doubt what you mean to me?” Castiel asked, looking down at Dean. “All I wanted was to have a future with you, to spend my life with you. In those moments when I was not sure I would make it, I imagined how it would be if I perished and did not get to tell you how I felt.” 

Dean was a little embarrassed to be a grown man, hugging another man for comfort so he pulled away a little but Cas just gripped him tighter, hand somehow slotting against the handprint burned into his flesh. “You are mine,” Castiel said. He sounded so firm about it, so sincere that Dean couldn’t help how it made him feel practically gooey inside like a warm chocolate chip cookie. 

“Uh-huh,” Dean said, a little flippant. Castiel held him more tightly and raised his chin up to look him in the eye. 

“You are mine,” he said again, almost growling. His blue eyes were intense and laser-focused. Dean let himself feel the words, let them sink into the coldest depths of his heart. 

“Okay,” he whispered. Castiel, still holding his chin leaned down and kissed him again. Tomorrow they would go after Crowley and take him down. Tomorrow they would explain the nature of their relationship to the others. Tomorrow they would start building a future together. 

But not until tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you once again to everyone who helped make this possible. 
> 
> Please don't forget to watch the video that goes with this story. [Wanted by kumofu/Sternchen Cas](http://sternchencas.tumblr.com/post/142025788211/)


End file.
